Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
by blommabelle
Summary: The Awesome Trio-features the hero America, the Viking Denmark and the awesome Prussia! A series of short stories about their random pranks, acts of debauchery and their general awesomeness. Features fem!America. Some Denmark/fem!America and nods at other pairings.
1. No Rest for the Wicked

If there was one thing about America that a vast majority of people couldn't stand, it was the fact that she was _so loud_. And the only thing people hated more than that was the fact that she got even louder around her friends.

Prussia had long ago dubbed them "the Awesome Trio", stating that they were called such because they were "so damn awesome". England couldn't believe his terrible, terrible luck at seeing his little sister hang around two buffoons like Prussia and Denmark.

But dear God, the _noise_. The three of them were loud enough separately, but together it was like a nightmare. It seemed that they spoke loudly out of necessity because if they used a normal volume, they weren't going to be heard. If they spent enough time with each other in one go, they only got louder and louder until they drove everyone away.

And one day, Russia had had enough. It was one thing if they decided to be loud together where no one else could hear them, but it was a whole different story when they were being unbearably loud right outside his hotel room. No one else had the guts to tell them to shut up—no one smart, anyway, considering if it wasn't Prussia threatening with a sword, it was Denmark reaching for his axe or America twirling a pair of silver pistols in her hands.

But Russia was not afraid of the three imbeciles, and that was why he flung open his door and stepped out into the hall to glare at the three of them.

The scene before him, although inexplicable, was not exactly unexpected. Prussia was standing at the end of the hallway, picking his teeth clean with the end of a dagger with an apple balanced on his head. America and Denmark stood a few feet away, apparently arguing over what would work better—shooting the apple off with a gun or hacking it off with Denmark's axe. Despite the fact that he probably should have been very, _very_ worried, Prussia just looked bored.

"Can ve hurry this up, losers? This is getting very boring very fast." Prussia then spied Russia and made a face. "Ugh, who invited the creep to hang with our awesome selves?"

America and Denmark turned around. The moment they saw Russia, their expressions became similar looks of disdain.

"Gross. What do you want, commie?" America asked, sticking her tongue out at him. Denmark and Prussia snickered at her brashness.

"I want some peace and quiet," he replied flatly. "It's two in the morning. Either take this somewhere else or go to sleep like everyone else!"

The three of them looked at each other for a few moments before looking back at him.

"We talked it over," Denmark said. "And we're going to pass."

"Might I suggest earplugs?" America said smugly.

Russia's hands curled and uncurled into fists a few times before he took a deep breath. "Very well. If that is how you are going to be."

The Awesome Trio frowned as Russia turned without a fight and stepped back into his room. The noise once more escalated, and Russia was fairly certain they were being louder than usual, probably just to annoy him, no doubt.

That was why he was super pissed off the next day. And that was why he went to the store, bought three fish, and then tossed one in the backseat of each of their cars. The meeting lasted all day, which meant that the fish were roasting the whole time in the confined spaces.

The reaction they had was priceless.

"Holy flaming monkey balls of _fire_!" America shrieked, jumping back from her car. "Who the _fuck_ put a fish in my car?!"

England, who had been meaning to carpool with her, backed off a bit, but there was a small smile playing on his face. "Oh, someone decided to mess with your gas guzzler?"

"It's not funny, Arthur!" she wailed. "Do you know what kind of car this is? This is a 1970 Gran Torino GT! I brought this poor baby back to life when someone cruelly attempted to toss it aside like it was nothing but trash! _My baby_!"

With that, America flung herself at her car and clung onto the hood, sobbing apologies for not being there to fight off the "villain" that did this to her "baby".

Prussia and Denmark had seen the display and snorted. Ever the good friends, they decided to pick on her.

"Must suck to have someone mess vith your car right under your nose, huh, _hero_?" Prussia cackled and then yelped as he dodged a baseball America had thrown at his head. "Hey! Vhat gives?"

"Shut the _fuck_ up, Gil!" She stroked the hood of her car and sighed sadly. "My poor baby was practically _molested_ right in front of me and I didn't do anything to help!"

Denmark chuckled and shook his head. He headed for his own car, a very rare, very much so cooler than America's screaming metal deathtrap—a Zenvo ST1. They were rare and limited, and he was _still_ bragging about it. He couldn't even count how many times America had tried to take it for a joyride.

So you can imagine how furious he was when he opened the car door and was hit like a slap in the face by nasty old fish smell.

"_Lort_!" he shouted, jumping back and slamming the door shut. Everyone looked away from where America was wailing over her precious car to see Denmark stomping and cursing up a storm.

The Nordics, who had parked nearby Denmark, all paused and frowned upon hearing the plethora of obscenities that had begun to spill from his mouth.

"Uh… Dane?" Finland asked nervously. "Are you alright?"

"_Nej_, I am not alright!" he yelled. "Some _forpulede rovhul_ put a fish in my _fucking car_!"

"Oh, Mathias!" A blur of blonde shot over and everyone gaped as America clung onto his black coat. "You poor thing! You, too?"

Instead of shoving her off, Denmark held her close and the two sobbed into each other's shoulders.

Prussia, meanwhile, couldn't stop laughing. "You should see your loser faces! Haha! I'm having such an awesome laugh at this unawesome sight! The mighty Denmark and the hero America, dissolved into unawesome tears all because of… a fish… in their… WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Everyone glanced over curiously at Prussia as he glared into the open door of his car. With a mighty _slam_, he shut the door and stood there for a few long moments.

"Gilbert?" America peeked up from Denmark's tear-stained shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Prussia stared at his car—his beloved Porsche 911 GT2 that had taken forever for him to steal from his brother—and felt his heart break into a million pieces. Dropping his briefcase, he silently walked over to where America and Denmark were still embracing and then wrapped his arms around both of them.

"It is a dark day for the Awesome Trio," he said quietly.

Everyone rolled their eyes and began piling into their non-fishy cars, leaving the Awesome Trio in the parking lot to be overdramatic by themselves.

Everyone except Russia, who stood near his own car and smirked.

* * *

It didn't take a genius to figure out who had put the fishes in their cars, which was a good thing since the Awesome Trio sort of lacked any geniuses.

"That communist bastard!" America yelled as she took another swig of beer. The three of them sat in a pub in downtown Copenhagen, lamenting their poor cars and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. "I'm going to skin him alive! I'm going to… oh, God. My poor baby!"

"You're not the only victim here, you know!" Denmark whined. "I should shove my axe through his skull!"

"Ve could kill him," Prussia said thoughtfully.

America sighed as Denmark nodded in agreement, but then an idea occurred to her. She grinned deviously and sat up, regarding her friends with a look that promised mischief and debauchery.

The way the Awesome Trio worked was a lot like this: America, being young and untamable, always seemed to have the best ideas when it came to activities for them to do. Her ideas usually ranged from potential bodily harm to themselves or others to pranks that would ban them from other countries for weeks.

Meanwhile, Denmark was the one who actually got them _out_ of trouble. Like America, Denmark took a walk on the wild side and enjoyed taking risks, but considering his older age, he knew how to get away with it. He was instrumental in actually carrying out America's crazy ideas so that they worked to absolute perfection.

Then there was Prussia, their leader. Despite America constantly jockeying for the spot, Prussia held the title of ringleader. He had formed the group, after all, and for the most part it was easier on everyone to just give Prussia what he wanted. He was there to approve the ideas as "awesome" or disapprove of them as "not awesome enough".

The three of them worked together like a well-oiled machine. And when they were pissed at someone—especially when all three of them were pissed at someone—they were even more effective than ever.

"We might not have to kill him," she purred, a nasty smile forming on her face. "But I have an idea that'll make him wish we had."

Both men looked at each other and then at America eagerly. Between sips of beer, she told them her plan. By the end, both of them were in hysterics.

"That may be your most awesome idea yet!" Prussia cackled. "Kesesese~! Tomorrow night, then?"

"Last night of the conference," America agreed. "He thinks I'm a hottie with a body, so I can handle the first part fine. You two need to get everything else ready, okay?"

Clinking their mugs together, they all laughed evilly at their new, diabolical plan. _No one_ messed with the Awesome Trio and got away with it.

* * *

After the meeting the next day, America appeared by Russia. She smiled down at him as he peered up at her curiously, a frown on his face.

"Hey, Russia," she greeted. "What's up?"

_Not your intelligence_, he thought to himself, but he gave her a small smile. "Nothing, Amerika. I was just headed back to my hotel room so I could relax for the night."

"Sounds cool." She beamed at him as he stood from his seat. "But I have an even better idea!"

Russia eyed her suspiciously. "What would that be?"

"Well, I was thinking about how me and the guys were behaving the other night and I kinda feel bad." She gave him an apologetic smile. "So I was hoping to take you out for some drinks. Copenhagen's got some seriously awesome pubs!"

Russia shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know…"

"Come _on_!" she whined. "Please?! Pretty please with cheese on top?"

"Ah… very well." Russia rubbed his temples and sighed. "This is very nice of you to offer, Amerika. Will your… _friends_ be joining us?"

"Ah, no." She sighed as they made their way toward the exit. "I know you don't like Prussia at all and Denmark's busy tonight. I guess he promised to chill with the Nordics or something, I dunno. But lucky you, I was free tonight! All the drinks are on me!"

Russia relaxed a little and nodded. He could handle tonight if America wasn't being flanked by her posse of fools.

The night itself wasn't actually that bad. America was, as always, annoying as hell, but the more Russia drank the less obnoxious she became and the more he remembered how attractive she was. By the end of the night, Russia had drank his way through fifteen bottles of vodka and America was sitting on his lap, sipping her nasty whiskey.

The last thing he remembered before blacking out was America smiling at him and asking him if he felt alright.

* * *

"Where is he?" England asked, annoyed. France stood beside him, checking his hair for split ends, while Spain and the Italy siblings were chatting with each other. America, Denmark and Prussia were all talking loudly with each other, laughing about something that let everyone know they were up to no good.

"_Oui_, it is not like Russia to be late." France frowned and looked at the others. "Does anyone know where he could be?"

After some inexplicable snickering, Denmark said, "Maybe we should go check on him, _ja_?"

"We should," America piped up. She had a conniving glint in her eyes. "We went drinking last night and I'm kind of worried he might have had too much."

"Well, if he was out with you, no doubt alcohol was the only way he could deal with your presence," England said. Both him and France went in the direction of Russia's room.

America pouted at the remark and Denmark gave her a reassuring pat on the back as they followed eagerly, hardly able to contain their excitement at the scene that was going to greet them.

England knocked on the door a few times and frowned when he got no answer. "The git's not even awake yet!"

"I have his key," America said leisurely. England and France eyed her curiously. She sighed. "Like I said, we were drinking last night. He got smashed, so I brought him back to his room. He was way too drunk to find his way to his own bed."

"As long as you weren't in bed _with_ him," England grumbled. France chuckled.

"Like any of you have to worry about that!" Prussia cackled.

Denmark nodded in agreement. "_Ja_, if Amelia's getting in anyone's bed, it's mine."

Prussia narrowed his red eyes at Denmark. "_Nein_, she vould get into my awesome bed!"

"I doubt that."

"Vhy vould you doubt such awesomeness? She cannot resist me!"

"She's done a pretty good job so far. It's probably not as difficult as you think it is."

"Shut the fuck up, Dane!"

"_Nej_, you shut the fuck up! America's only going to sleep with me!"

"_Nein_, me! If you do anything vith her, I'll do it to you!"

"Right back at you!"

"Before you two engage in any angry boy sex, can I borrow a camera from Japan to get it documented?" America asked eagerly. France had begun to chuckle deviously and was suspiciously unbuttoning his blouse with excitement.

England then decided it was time to jump in before the hallway became one big orgy. "No one is touching Amelia, or I swear I will castrate you where you stand!"

Everyone fell silent as America handed Russia's room key to England. He opened the door and everyone filed in. While the Awesome Trio stifled their laughter, England and France balked.

Russia was, yes, still in bed, and he was obviously naked. A pile of crusty white tissue-like things littered the room and a large black vibrator was hard to miss on the bedside table. The real kicker was the open laptop on his bed that was showing some gay porn.

"_What the bloody hell_?!" England yelped. France, meanwhile, was eyeing the porn with interest. The Awesome Trio kept falling over themselves with laughter.

Russia managed to wake up, groggy, and blinked at the people gathered in his room. "What… what is this? Am I late? I swore I set my alarm…" He fell silent as he took in the room. The time on his clock was two hours behind what it actually was. Russia sat up and immediately zeroed in on the laughing trio.

England shifted awkwardly. "Sorry to, uh, disturb you in your… um… _private time_, Russia. We were just worried because you were late for the final farewell… uh… sorry."

With that, England ran out. Meanwhile, France was sitting in front of the laptop, watching the gay porn closely.

"Ah, _oui_, zis man, he is very talented in the ways of _amour_," France was saying, nodding his head like a scholarly student. "_Oui, oui_, I see what he is trying to do. I have done zis myself many times…"

"Gross!" America made a face but was promptly freaked out when she saw Russia rising like a terrifying beast from his bed. She chuckled nervously and tugged on Denmark's sleeve. "Hey, Mathias, Gil, maybe we should, you know…"

"Run like the devil himself is chasing us?" Prussia offered.

"Yeah. That."

The three of them bolted, laughing the whole way. Luckily, America had had the foresight to keep her car running and ready to go. She had managed to air out the fish smell. They dove in and drove off, tires squealing and engine roaring.

They laughed for hours until America found a coffee shop and announced that she wanted some. As they were ordering, she turned to the other two.

"By the way, I would totally bang Mathias," she informed them.

Denmark let out a victorious whoop and pumped his fist in the air. "Is it the axe?"

"It's the axe," she confirmed.

Prussia pouted. "_Verdammt_!"

"Aw, don't be so sad, Gil." America patted his arm. "I'm always open to a threesome."

* * *

**Author Notes**:

-Would you believe me if I said I originally intended for America to just be a dude in these? But every time I would start to write it out, I would automatically type in 'she' instead of 'he'. Gah! I eventually just gave up and said, "_Javla helvete_, fine, have it your way!" I think I've written too many fics with fem!America. It's messing with my brain. Ah, well. I like fem!America. She's adorable.

-I honestly just love these three. I recently stumbled across a few fics of the 'Awesome Trio' and they do NOT get enough love. I decided to change that by throwing this one out here.

-The cars. Gah. I'm not a big car person or anything, so I had to do some research. Each car that they own comes from their country as far as I can tell and they're all, like, sporty cars or muscle cars. I figure they probably love their cars. Oh, and the Danish one, the Zenvo ST1? Ja, there are only a few in existence and I think you have to be specially selected to purchase one. So naturally I think Denmark had a serious reason to be PISSED.

-I don't think the pairing of Denmark/America is all that much of a crack pairing, honestly. It makes a LOT of sense. Denmark also celebrates America's independence with fireworks and such. They have Danish and American speakers come and talk about the bond between the countries and everything. Also, Denmark has supported America in TONS of their decisions and have been pro-American longer than any other country, I think.

**Translations:**

-Lort (Danish)-Shit

-Forpulede rovhul (Danish)-Fucking asshole


	2. The Snuggie Debacle

It was the day after Christmas when Denmark and Prussia swung by America's house. She had asked them over to help her get ready for the New Year's party, which was going to be a rager. Like always.

They didn't even bother ringing the doorbell and walked right in. Both of them were immediately assaulted by tackle-hugs from their friend. She gave them both her million-watt grin and then shoved neatly-wrapped presents into their hands.

"Aw, Mia, you shouldn't have!" Denmark said as he tore his open, letting the wrapping paper fall around his feet. If Sve had been there, he would have been quick to swoop in with an open garbage bag to catch the scraps before they hit the carpet.

Prussia, too, tore his open and they both stared at their gifts. They then stared at America.

"Is this for real?" Prussia finally asked, slipping it on. He grinned at the soft fabric and hugged it to himself adorably.

"Hell yes it is!" Denmark let out a whoop. "Aw, look! Mine has Viking ships on it!"

"Mine has awesome beer!"

The two were adorned in Snuggies. They waddled around her living room, wearing their shit-eating grins and babbling about the "best Christmas ever!"

"Mentlegen!" America announced, standing on her coffee table. The two of them turned and grinned at her. Her Snuggie was adorned in red, white and blue stars. "I declare us _more awesome than ever_!"

"Ve aren't taking these off until the day ve die!" Prussia practically roared.

And then the trouble started.

* * *

"Bruder…"

Prussia paused with a piece of wurst halfway to his mouth. He eyed West curiously, not sure why his little brother looked kind of pained. "_Was_?"

Germany shifted a bit, glancing at their bosses and then back at his brother. "Vhy are you vearing that… thing?"

Prussia looked downright offended. He violently took a bite of his wurst and then dropped the fork onto the plate, letting it clatter loudly to emphasize his displeasure. "_Thing_?! This is a _Snuggie_. It vas given to me by a dear friend! Vith boobs! Because she is a girl!"

West looked somewhere between completely frustrated and mortified. "Could you take that off? At least until after ve go over all our business?"

"Take it off? _Take it off_? I made a _vow_, bruder! A vow in blood! And friendship! And you vant me to spit on such an oath?!" Prussia shook his head and stood up. Seemingly from nowhere, he whipped out a white glove and smacked West across the face with it. "If that is how you feel, bruder, then it vill be fisticuffs at dawn!"

Everyone gaped as Prussia waddled off in his yellow beer-print Snuggie. He was going to call his friends. Maybe they would understand the agony he had been forced to go through because of his selfish little brother.

* * *

"Where is it?" Denmark snapped furiously. He glared at his four Nordic siblings (and Sealand) accusingly, tapping his foot with impatience. "I'm not mad."

"You're not?" Finland asked a bit hesitantly. The Finn was clearly not buying what Denmark was selling. "Because you look furious."

"_Ding-ding-ding_! What did our lucky contestant win for today, Bob?" Denmark narrowed his eyes at them all. "Give me. My Snuggie. Or die."

Suddenly, Norway let out a decisive snort. Everyone turned to stare at him.

Denmark raised an accusing finger. "It was you, wasn't it, you... you... Groke!"

Finland gasped as if this were the worst insult _ever_. Norway looked unmoved.

"You can't prove anything."

Denmark narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to hold my breath until you give it back."

The Nordics all stared at him in disbelief. No one said anything until Denmark's face began to turn red due to lack of oxygen.

"Breathe!" Iceland frowned. "You're killing off brain cells. Lord knows you need as many of those as you can get."

Finland elbowed Iceland. "Be nice! Can't you see he's upset? Come on, Lukas, just give him back his Snuggie."

"No. That thing is ridiculous."

"No one's making you wear it!"

Denmark's face was turning blue. He stubbornly refused to breathe until he got his Snuggie back. And if he died in the process, so be it! _Goodbye, America_! he thought inwardly. _I always thought you were a sexy beast_! _Oh, and... goodbye to you, too, Prussia. I guess._

Fortunately, he passed out before could die. Double fortunately, Finland burst into tears once he fainted and that made Sweden upset, which caused the big nation to intimidate Norway into giving the Snuggie back to Denmark.

"All th't fer a b'ckw'rds robe?" Sweden mumbled, dropping the Snuggie unceremoniously onto Denmark's unconscious body. "_Miffo_."

* * *

England stared at his little sister in total silence. France, who was sitting beside him, also stared. And so did Canada, for that matter.

"Amelia," England finally said. "You haven't taken that off for a _very_ long time. We're all… worried."

"About what?" America let out one of her loud, obnoxious laughs. "These have been the greatest weeks of my life! This Snuggie is comfortable _and_ practical! Plus, look!"

They all watched as America grabbed England's TV remote. She pointed it at the television and turned it on, then off, and then put the remote back. She beamed at everyone, as if she had done something worth bragging about.

"Did you see that? Did you see how I was _still_ covered by my Snuggie even as I was reaching for something else? With a normal blanket, my hands would have been trapped!"

"Now you're just spouting nonsense," England grumped, although France and Canada looked intrigued. "Just take the bloody thing off! It looks ridiculous!"

"You'll take it off of my cold, dead corpse before I take this off willingly," America deadpanned. She gave England a warning look and clung the Snuggie to her person a little more tightly.

England sighed and did nothing. For now.

* * *

The World Meeting. A conference to discuss the world's problems and try to find a way to solve them. Unfortunately, all anyone could talk about was America, Prussia and Denmark and their damnable Snuggies.

"Is it true they won't take them off, aru?" China asked curiously.

Japan sighed and shook his head. "It's true. America-chan came to my house the other day and wouldn't take it off, not even when she went to use the bathroom."

"Is it supposed to be, like, stylish or something?" Poland asked from another part of the room. He was sitting on the table and chatting with Lithuania.

"I'm not sure," Lithuania replied. "But they sure seem… happy in those things."

And it was true. They _did_ look happy. Ridiculously so. When they weren't running their hands over their own Snuggies, they were running their hands over each other's—although Prussia was given a swift punch in the face, followed by a kick in the shins from Denmark and America when he started feeling the latter one up a little bit.

Germany called the meeting to order (after giving the trio a distasteful look) and everyone sat down. England took a seat by America and decided to ignore her and her ridiculous getup.

That proved a bit difficult, however, when she began rubbing her cheek on the fabric. She then let out a long, low moan. And not just any moan, either. A moan that made every single guy in the room turn bright red and stare at her.

_The bloody girl sounds like she's having sex_! England shuddered and glared at her, slightly horrified at the noises his little sister was making. _She can't possibly love that Snuggie THAT much_!

It seemed that she did, however, as she let out another moan, this one a little more breathy and high-pitched.

Germany, who was usually good at handling these things, was speechless. He was staring at America with wide eyes and had begun to sweat. He quickly handed the microphone off to the first speaker with a half-hearted attempt to warn them to keep within the time limit and sat down by Italy, who, for her part, was too busy eating pasta to notice anything strange going on in the meeting.

One more moan and England had had enough. He tore the Snuggie off of the surprised girl and then ran across the room. With a victorious shout, he threw it out the window and watched it land in the parking lot. It was a temporary fix, no doubt, since America would either search the parking lot for her Snuggie or just buy a new one.

He turned to face the American's wrath, but instead he found that her chair was empty. Looking around, he felt himself go cold at what he saw.

America had apparently decided she couldn't live without a Snuggie during the meeting. She had walked over to Denmark and had crawled into his lap, underneath his own ridiculous blanket-wear. Her head rested on his chest and she was cheerfully humming while Denmark looked to be on cloud nine. England was further horrified when Denmark caught his eye and mouthed, _Thank you_.

Great. He had driven his little sister into the lap of someone who was probably going to feel her up throughout the meeting. At least it was better than them knowing what she sounded like in the throes of passion.

Speaking of throes of passion… where the bloody hell was France? And that… other nation? Corsica? Croatia? Or… no…

The doors burst open and everyone paled.

France came in wearing a… great. A pink Snuggie decorated in white roses. He was laughing and spinning a little, seeming to take delight in the way the blanket brushed against his bare (?) legs.

Bare? Why the hell was he… England eyed the person behind him… Canada! That was it! Canada had been missing! And he was wearing a white Snuggie decorated in red maple leaves, looking pleased as punch with his new attire.

"_Amerique_ was right!" France sing-songed, climbing onto the table cheerfully. Everyone paled when they realized he was naked as the day he was born underneath the Snuggie. "The way zis brushes against zee skin! Oh, it is _magnifique_!"

Then France saw America snuggling with Denmark underneath his Snuggie and began to coo about how cute they were.

America grinned at France cheerfully. "Aw, you really like the Snuggie?"

He struck a pose and wiggled his eyebrows. "Of course! I will never take zis off! And _Amerique_, feel free to cuddle with me underneath _my_ Snuggie. Consider it my… _thank you. _Don't forget to forget your pants! Honononon~!"

An axe was promptly thrown at his head and France was knocked unconscious. He spent the rest of the meeting passed out on the table. But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was that when he woke up, his Snuggie was gone. England had eloquently told everyone that he was "not fucking dealing with this again".

So he had burned the Snuggie. And he made the Awesome Trio watch.

* * *

**Author Notes**

-I totally got a Snuggie for Christmas. It was leopard print. I nearly died of joy. Best present ever.

-"What did our lucky contestant win for today, Bob?"-This is from the game show "The Price is Right". Bob is Bob Barker, the super-old game show host. Every time I was sick and had to miss school, it was the only decent thing on television.

-The Groke-This is a Moomin character. I think this is the Finnish name for the character? I always called her Mårran. In any case, she scared the shit out of me as a kid. Still kind of does, honestly. But I figured that Finland would think this was a massive insult, all things considered.

-Denmark holding his breath-This was something I used to do as a kid. No joke. If I didn't get my way, I would tell my mom that I was going to hold my breath until I died and then I'd hold my breath until I passed out. I was such a pleasant child.

-America's demonstration with the Snuggie-This is all stuff from the original Snuggie commercial. I was in hysterics the first time I saw it on TV. If, for some reason you haven't seen it, get on Youtube or something and take a look. It's well worth watching.

_Translations_

-_Was _(German)-What?

-_Miffo_ (Swedish)-This is Swedish slang. It means something along the lines of 'idiot', only more insulting. Closer to 'retard', actually. Although Sweden doesn't like Denmark much in the show, I've never really had a problem with Danes. I'm part Danish, so maybe that's why?

-_Mentlegen _(English)-Not sure if any English speakers use this term elsewhere, but I've only heard it in America so far. It's a play on the word 'gentlemen'.


	3. Sharky's Worst Day Ever

The Awesome Trio was originally supposed to be "Men Only". The big problem that Prussia and Denmark had been having, though, while attempting to form the Awesome Trio was the fact that they were struggling to find a new member. Not only was it incredibly hard to find someone who was even half as awesome as either of them, but every time they would approach a lucky candidate, they found find the person entirely uninterested and unwilling to join their gang.

It was getting obnoxious. Which is apparently what America had been called the day she had accidentally walked right into a meeting of the Awesome Trio… uh, duo.

Both men had stared at her in surprise, entirely unused to someone just waltzing into their meeting room. They used an empty room in the building held for World Meetings in London. They had both decided not to meet in Denmark or Germany because they had argued so much about it that it was "destroying their friendship".

But most people knew that the room was for the two of them to connive and figure out who else to invite to their gang. Interruptions were few and far between as a result, but apparently America was either too pissed to remember that the room was in use, or she just forgot.

"Oh." She stopped, spying both of them sitting at the table, gaping at her like they had just seen Bigfoot break down the door. "Sorry. Mind if I use that window over there? It gets me the best angle on my shot. I promise, you won't even know I'm here!"

Prussia hesitated, unsure if he wanted a girl to encroach on their territory. However, Denmark was not having the same problem. Unlike Prussia, Denmark had been friends with America for a while. He even celebrated her birthday at his place because he liked her so much. His Nordic pals had noticed and Finland had even giggled over Denmark's "adorable little crush" on the star-spangled nation. Though Denmark would glare at them all, he never said anything to refute the claim because it was true. He'd never seen a girl wield a battle axe like she did.

"We don't mind!" he said quickly, making Prussia shoot him a dirty look. "Do what you want! It's cool!"

America beamed at him before her face went back to an annoyed glare. Despite her claims that neither of them would even notice her presence, she mumbled to herself as she stalked over the window.

"I _know_ you're going to be here, you vinegar-flavored wimp," she muttered, opening the window. She was leaning over the frame a bit, trying to get a good look at the parking lot. "Call _me_ obnoxious, will you? Ha! Not half as obnoxious as the fuzzy caterpillars that have taken permanent residence above your eyes!"

Prussia and Denmark look at each other, and then back at America as she suddenly reached into her cleavage. Then, like a demented Mary Poppins, she yanked out a ridiculously massive bazooka and took aim.

"Sorry to interrupt," Prussia suddenly said, making America jump. She looked at him, her anger gone and a sweet smile taking its place. "It's just that I couldn't help but notice that you seem to be prepared to shoot someone… England, I'm guessing… vith a bazooka because he called you obnoxious?"

America let out a loud laugh. "Yeah. That, and he guilted me into eating some of his homemade shepherd's pie last night, so I was up blowing chunks and didn't get any sleep."

Both men flinched a little, understanding where she was coming from as she turned her attention back to her weapon.

"I figure I'll feel a little bit better if I put him in the hospital for a little bit," she went on, carefully taking aim. "Alright, I'm about to fire if you guys wanna cover up your ears."

Both Prussia and Denmark did as she instructed. They watched her mouth a countdown. A bright flare of light lit up the area, followed by a loud _boom_ that made the whole building shake. Despite having covered their ears, both men could hear ringing.

America, meanwhile, had set her massive bazooka aside and had her head thrown back, laughing. Someone was screaming profanities in the parking lot loudly enough to be heard indoors.

"Haha, classic!" America wiped a tear from her eye before poking her head out the window and screaming at the top of her lungs. "_SUCK IT, ENGLAND_!"

With that, she shut the window, defied physics by returning the bazooka to her cleavage, blew Prussia and Denmark a kiss and then flounced out, mumbling something about getting out before the British government detained her.

Denmark looked at Prussia. Prussia looked at Denmark. Both men nodded in silent agreement.

They were pretty sure they just found the third member of the Awesome Trio, girl or not.

* * *

America was late for her first Awesome Trio meeting. This was bad, mostly because she was on a probationary trial period.

Prussia was pretty pissed about it, but Denmark was just smitten enough to overlook the fact that she was an hour and a half late. He liked to think she was taking so long because she was trying to look her best for him, although the miniscule rational part of his mind told him that America _never_ tried to look her best if she could help it. In her opinion, brushing her hair in the morning was considered "gussying up", as she put it.

"Seriously, vhat is that bitch doing?" Prussia crossed his arms over his chest, frowning. "This is the most unawesome thing that has ever been my displeasure to vitne—"

The doors flew open and America walked in drenched in salt water. Both men gaped. Denmark was incredibly thrilled, seeing as how her clothes clung to her and became slightly transparent. Prussia was thrilled because she was dragging the corpse of a dead great white shark after her.

"_This is the most awesome thing my eyes have ever seen_!" Prussia slammed his fists on the table and let out a cackling laugh. "America, vhat on Earth are you doing with a dead shark?"

"Dead?" America frowned. "Who said it was dead?"

Prussia fell quiet and took a tentative step away from the shark. The creature seemed to have trained its black eye on him.

"It sucks because I was actually hunting for a colossal squid," she whined. "I was up in the freezing waters of Antarctica looking for one to bring to the meeting so we could eat the world's biggest calamari. I was tailing a sperm whale—"

"Kesesesese~!" Prussia laughed. "You said 'sperm'."

America smirked. "Good one! Anyway, I was trailing a sperm whale but then then I got hungry. So I tried to get this big old tuna that came by and then this bastard showed up and tried to fucking steal it." She was holding the shark by the tail and gave it a shake to show her displeasure. "So we tussled, he lost, the sperm whale got away and the worst part is that the fucking tuna got away, too!"

Prussia and Denmark stared at her in equal parts amusement and fascination (and for Denmark, arousal).

"Are you going to kill the shark, then?" Denmark managed to ask, squirming a bit uncomfortably in his seat. He made a mental note to not stand up until he, uh, _calmed down_ a bit.

"I was just going to tear out one of its fangs as a dominant symbol of my victory," she replied, tapping her chin with her free hand. A small puddle had begun to form underneath her. "Then I was going to release it back into the wild where it could tell all its shark friends to not fucking try to steal my tuna!"

"That's badass," Prussia half-whispered, his red eyes glazed over with admiration. "You're almost as awesome as me! It's settled!"

Prussia slammed his fist down on the table. Denmark was still distracted by the party going on in his pants that only intensified whenever he looked up and saw America dragging the shark around. America turned her attention from taunting the captured shark to whatever it was Prussia was saying.

"America! Henceforth, you are the awesome kickass babe of the Awesome Trio!"

"Aw, sweet!" America jerked the shark up into a hug and bounced around. "Oh, wait, before I forget."

Both men watched her drop the shark and then fearlessly yank its massive jaws open. She reached in, seeming to be deciding something, and then picked a fang to yank out. The shark struggled, but mostly seemed resigned to whatever America had planned for it.

"Ta-da!" She grinned and showed them the fang before pocketing it. "Okay. I'm gonna throw this bastard back into the ocean if you guys wanna come with."

They nodded eagerly and Denmark had to be very creative with covering himself with his black coat to keep either of them from seeing his little friend giving America a salute. Hurrying after her, they rushed pasted a still-charred England and France. Both men watched, flabbergasted, at the sight of America, drenched and toting a shark after her, Prussia whooping at the top of his lungs and Denmark last, walking awkwardly, clinging his coat close to him.

"That's probably the least surprising thing I've seen all week," England commented. France nodded in agreement and they kept walking.

After watching breathlessly as America assumed a pitcher's stance and absolutely hurled the shark out into the ocean, they all agreed to head to America's place to try their hand at riding a mechanical bull.

"You're the champ, America?" Denmark marveled when the bartender greeted her.

She laughed, adjusting her bright blue cowboy boots. "Sure am. And you guys can call me Amelia, by the way."

She then skipped off and climbed onto the bull while Denmark and Prussia watched with rapt attention. As the machine started to go, Prussia glanced at the former Viking with a smirk.

"This is the most awesome decision we have ever made."

Denmark nodded in agreement, his eyes glued to America as the bull began to get more violent. "_Ja_."

Prussia's smirk got a little more evil. "Got a problem going on down south with Little Mathias, huh?"

The blonde's face heated up and he adjusting his coat to keep himself covered. Damn his overactive libido. "Shut the hell up."

Prussia cackled. "Kesesesese~! Lucky you, looks like she's a wild ride!" He pointed at America as she let out a loud _YEE-HAW_ while the fake bull bucked. The other bargoers cheered as the bull slowed and came to a halt. America slid off, grinning as she sauntered back to her friends. She ordered them a round of whiskey and then raised her glass.

"To being awesome!" she announced.

"To being awesome!" the other two echoed. Their glasses clinked together and then America caught Denmark's eye as she gulped her drink down easily.

She smiled.

Denmark blushed.

America winked. "So. I was thinking. Hawaii said the big volcano at her place just exploded. Wanna head down and roast some marshmallows over some lava?"

Prussia and Denmark beamed, both of them incredibly pleased with their decision to let America join. Both of them then checked out her ass when she turned around to order more whiskey.

"Best. Decision. _Ever_," Prussia said, a nasty light glinting suddenly in his eyes.

Denmark angrily whacked him upside the head. "Keep your eyes somewhere else."

Prussia just cackled evilly while America turned around, shoving more alcohol at them.

"Were you guys staring at my ass?" she asked in a way that made it obvious that she knew perfectly well that they had been. Both of them looked a little guilty (well, Denmark did, Prussia just looked smug). "Thought so. Keep your hands off the merchandise."

"Or?" Prussia challenged.

America leaned in a little close. "Or I'll have to assume my Ultimate Form."

By the end of the night, all three of them were drunk. Prussia wobbled ahead of Denmark and America, singing a poor rendition of his favorite Carrie Underwood song (he had been very drunk when he'd admitted it).

Meanwhile, America clumsily put an arm around Denmark's shoulders and gave him an intoxicated smile. "Hey, Mathias, 'member when I said no, no, no about geshing… uhm, gerding… getting handsy with the merch?"

"_Ja_." Denmark had long ago given up trying to speak English.

She blushed and Denmark's eyes widened. "Uhm… I dunnit mind if you do it sumtime."

Denmark paused, his alcohol-drenched mind trying to fully understand what she was getting at. America was stumbling off after Prussia, saying something about showing him what a _real_ Louisville Slugger looks like, while Denmark gaped after her.

_Did she just_…? He grinned. Denmark had a feeling that whatever was going to come of the Awesome Trio, when it came to him and America, something big was going to happen.

* * *

**Author Notes**

First off, I want to say thanks to everyone who has favorited this and reviews! It makes me feel all warm and snuggly inside. Just picture a happy stuffed bear being cuddled by an even happier sparkly pink stuffed unicorn. That's how I feel!

Also, I don't know if I want to make a set schedule as to when I'll update this. Mostly I write stuff whenever inspiration comes and I don't want anything to be too forced. Just know the updates will at least probably be on a weekly basis, maybe more if the muses decide to head up to Sweden to whisper good ideas into my ear. You know, whatever.

So, some comments:

-I originally wanted this to be an origin story about how all three of them joined, but the only story that really came together for me was how America joined. It was difficult for me to find a good ending to this one and I'm still not sure I like it. I do definitely enjoy fluff between America and Denmark. I don't know how long I'll be able to make it without putting them together, guys. I love this couple way more than I thought I would. They're way too much fun to write.

-ALSO. Someone commented a while back by the name 'ccha' about bringing Australia into this. All I can say is thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the suggestion! I've been writing it for a while and I'm trying to find a good way to end it, but Australia will probably became a bigger player into all this. Might we have a rival for America's heart? Perhaps we'll see Denmark go full-on Viking? Tee-hee! But hopefully that chapter will be out soon once I put the finishing touches on it. If any of you other guys have any ideas for little adventures or situations to throw these three in, let me know!

-Oh, sorry for my inaccuracy as to where great whites lurk around in the ocean. I know they don't tread out to arctic areas, but for the sake of writing America walking into an Awesome Trio meeting dragging a shark after her, I had to bend the rules of reality a little bit. Oh, and sidenote-that poor shark, am I right? America must've really wanted that tuna.

-I think Prussia is a major Carrie Underwood fan. His favorite song by her is 'Before He Cheats', obviously. That was the song he was singing and that's why America mentioned the Louisville Slugger.

-For those who might not know baseball jargon: a Louisville Slugger is a type of baseball bat. It's also a term used when you make a major swing of the bat, and that usually results in a homerun. I really hated most of the American sports I was subjected to while I lived there, but then I went to a baseball game. Oh. My. God. I loved it. Baseball was my favorite American sport by far. I miss going to games. We have baseball in Sweden, but it's not the same, guys.


	4. Answer the Bone-A-Phone

The Awesome Trio loved making bets. It was their lifeblood. The first bet had been made by America. She had announced that she could be shot by a paintball gun point blank more times than either Prussia or Denmark. That challenge had been accepted, and America had won. Then there was the time that Prussia bet he could fit more M&M's into his mouth than his friends and it was on. The Christmas party at Finland and Sweden's place had ended with Denmark gagging on the green and red chocolate pieces while America danced victoriously, the winner once again. THEN there was the time when Denmark bet he could beat them in an arm-wrestling match. After America had dislocated his wrist and had smashed Prussia's arm so hard into the table that his wrist was "dead" for a week, she declared herself the winner and her friends began to notice a suspicious pattern.

America always won. _Always_. So when she jumped in on a new bet between Prussia and Denmark, they were a little bit leery about agreeing to let her in on it. Especially considering the bet they were placing.

See, Prussia had gotten a little carried away with… _pleasuring_ himself as of late. It was mostly because Hungary was preparing for her annual cat-themed festival and was walking around in adorable cat ears. It hadn't helped when Japan offered her a matching cat tail, and Hungary had been prancing around all week in the thing. Needless to say, Prussia was a little antsy, what with being forced to look and not touch. The last time he'd gotten a little too handsy with poor Hungary he had been put in the hospital for a fortnight.

As a result of Prussia's restlessness in his pants, he had been caught not once, not twice, not even three times by Germany, but seven times. Seven. In the past four days. And that was only what Germany had _caught_. Germany couldn't help walking in on it since Prussia had zero discretion and mostly did as he pleased wherever he saw fit. It had resulted in a lot of unrest and yelling at the German household. Even poor Italy had walked in on Prussia's "private time" (although "private time" was being held in the living room, so it really wasn't Italy's fault that she witnessed such a nightmarish scene). She had ended up locking herself in Germany's room for hours and still wouldn't meet Prussia's eye.

Germany had been furious with Prussia for scarring his poor girlfriend. After giving Prussia the worst lecture/beat-down of the older brother's life, Prussia had sulked off to whine to his friends.

America was running late, as per usual (she claimed showing up on time was "for squares"), and had shot Denmark a text saying she was bringing snacks. Prussia was relieved by this. Despite having no filter, especially when it came to sex, he was sure that Denmark would get it in a way America might not. After all, his Viking friend was currently having the same problem with America.

The bet had begun with Denmark commenting on Prussia's lack of self-control. He had bragged that, despite being subjected to America's "adorableness" on a regular basis (Denmark's idea of adorable apparently included someone who had once screamed "FIVE SECOND RULE!" and dove at a piece of fallen pancake her brother had dropped on the floor during a World Meeting and then ate it voraciously off the ground as if she hadn't eaten in decades), he had massive self-control. No longer was private-time necessary three times a day, he had cut it down to one and a half (although Prussia wasn't really sure what 'a half' of masturbating was).

Prussia took serious offense to that, angered by the idea of someone being better than him at something. He bragged that he, too, could abstain himself from his happy fun time, and thus, the bet was made just as America walked in, pushing a shopping cart filled with Twinkies.

"Oh, what's the bet?" She grinned at them eagerly before tossing them each their own box of Twinkies and sat on the tabletop by Denmark, ripping open her own incredibly unhealthy cream-cake snack. "I want in!"

Both men looked at each other uncertainly, not sure if they wanted to bring up masturbation with America. Knowing her, she would launch into a full-detailed analysis on what _she_ did…

Denmark felt his face heat up and his eyes widen. His mouth fell open and a tiny bit of Twinkie fell out, plopping into his lap. Visions of America in the throes of passion was already making him a bit nervous that he was going to lose his bet with Prussia already.

America gasped. "Oh, my God! Your Twinkie! Five second rule, Mathias! Get it!"

He ignored that and stood up so that his face hovered right in front of hers. "MASTURBATION."

The room filled with silence. America leaned back, her pretty blue eyes narrowed a bit. After a moment, she calmly took a bite of her Twinkie and chewed on it thoughtfully.

"So… that happened," she finally said, not bothering to shove Denmark away from her as she continued to eat. "Mind telling me what your guys' bet has to do with jerking your baloney ponies?"

Denmark continued to hover there, red-faced and sweaty, while Prussia sighed dramatically.

"Dane and I awesomely bet that ve could outlast each other by abstaining from… you know."

"Oh." America took another bite of her Twinkie. "So you two think you can go without getting all ding-dong McDork longer than the other? Sounds like fun! I'm in!"

Denmark blinked and stood back. "Hey. That's not fair."

"Why not?"

"Vell… you're a girl!" Prussia explained slowly. America narrowed her eyes and he quickened his explanation. "It's just that you don't need to take care of business as often as a dude. You'd have an unfair advantage!"

"Ha!" America threw her head back and laughed loudly, the sound bouncing off the walls before she calmed herself and shook her head. "You honestly think girls don't do jazzy hands as much as guys? What kind of world are you two living in?!"

Prussia looked intrigued while Denmark quickly sat down, his face burning as his mind reeled. Oh, God. He was going to lose if she kept talking like that.

"I. Want. In." Her tone was final. "And don't you dare say I can't because I'm a chick. You dildos know perfectly well that I have more balls than fucking Chuck Norris."

"Fine," Prussia groused. They all shook on it and quickly struck up friendly conversation, mostly about the party England was throwing in three days.

* * *

Denmark thought it was a miracle he had made it for so long. He sort of wanted to brag about it, but he figured Sve wouldn't appreciate it if he called to announce that he hadn't "drained the dragon" in three days.

Mostly, he thought it had to do with not seeing America for that time. While it wasn't exactly fun for him to not hang out with her, it was easier for him to deal with their bet.

He whistled as he and the rest of the Nordics got to England's place. Denmark had insisted on taking his axe with him "just in case" (though mostly that was just in case he saw fucking Australia hitting on America _again_). The five of them were ushered into England's manor and began to mingle.

Denmark immediately found America and Prussia sitting on England's fancy pink sofa that was covered by a blanket the Englishman had no doubt made himself. Denmark then paused in the hallway outside of the room, smiling at pictures of colonial America that decorated the walls. Some of them had some guy who looked kind of like America that Denmark thought was faintly familiar, but he couldn't put a name with the face. He kept walking and plopped down beside America, who was tensely sipping at a glass of champagne. She turned a bit red when she saw him and discreetly scooted away a bit, crossing her legs uncomfortably.

Prussia, too, looked a bit on edge, though he seemed more pissed than uncomfortable. He was downing beer like there was no tomorrow and didn't bother acknowledging the Dane when he sat down.

Denmark turned his head and met America's eyes. She stared at him, her face flushed as he smirked.

"_Hej_, Mia, what's—"

"I GIVE UP!" America shot up from where she sat, shoved the glass of champagne at Denmark and started to hurry toward the bathroom.

"Wait… what?" Denmark frowned, a little concerned. "Mia, you okay?"

"I LOSE!" She whipped around and stomped her foot. "God, you just _had_ to come in here with your shirt on like that and your _face_…"

"What about my face?" Denmark's eyebrows wrinkled.

"And the real kicker was the _goddamn motherfucking axe_! Who the _fuck_ brings a sexy-ass axe to a _fucking party_?! SABOTAGE! SAH-BOW-TAGE!" America practically screamed, making everyone sort of glance over at her warily. America's freak-outs were not to be scoffed at—back in the day, these temper tantrums usually ended in threats of nuclear war. She quickly spun on her heel and continued to hurry toward the bathroom.

"Vait!" Prussia called, standing a bit shakily. "Vhere are you going?"

America looked _really_ pissed now. She whirled around once more, just outside the bathroom door. "I'm going to ride the great white knuckles! I'm going to tame the wild hog! I'm going to stir the soup! I'm going white water wristing! I'm going to _tickle Elmo_!"

Her voice rose with every proclamation until she ran out of breath. She took in the sight of the party room briefly. England had fainted, France looked giddy, Canada was mortified, Germany was bright red while Italy asked him what America was talking about, Lovina looked ready to storm out while Spain muttered scandalized whispers under his breath in Spanish gibberish. The rest of the partygoers looked mortified and uncomfortable. When America walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, conversation slowly started up again.

Denmark and Prussia looked at each other, at a loss for words. Suddenly, Prussia put down his beer and undid his pants as he walked off to find someplace at least semi-private (he would have just taken care of business right there, but after Germany had decked him the last time he had whipped out his awesome one-eyed wonder worm without considering the fact that there were other people around, he was a bit leery about indiscriminately masturbating wherever he wanted).

A few seconds passed. Denmark kind of sat there, trying to comprehend what had happened. If he wasn't mistaken, the very sight of him carrying an axe around had driven America mad with passion.

Well. _That_ was certainly interesting. He mulled over what could possibly happen if he showed up at her place in his old Viking clothes when he realized that he had won. And that meant he, too, could take care of business. Grinning, he gripped his axe (you never knew who might try to steal it) and headed toward the bathroom, wondering if America was anywhere near done. That's when the bathroom door opened and America stepped out, looking very, _very_ pleased.

"Well, suck me sideways, I feel much better!" she chirped. She then spied Denmark standing right outside the bathroom door, smirking with his axe slung over his shoulder. He gave her a cheeky wink. They then stared at each other for a few long moments in silence before America sighed. "Dammit. Excuse me. Looks like round two is a go." She then slowly closed the door and clicked the lock in place.

Denmark grinned and stepped back. He couldn't say he blamed America. He was fucking sexy as hell.

* * *

**Author Notes**

Hahaha, I have no shame! I couldn't resist doing this one, the idea came to me when I woke up (it's so early and I can't go back to sleep). This is probably the raunchiest chapter I've posted in this (although the first chapter was almost as bad as this one in that respect). And fast update! I wasn't planning on putting this one out for a week, but once it was finished, I had to unleash it onto the world.

And lets hear it for some PruHun! Although I don't know if I want to go anywhere too serious with these two in this fic. I kind of like the awesome Prussia as a free agent. Romance-wise, this definitely will focus on Denmark/America, but I like adding in little bits. Like the Germany/fem!Italy mention, am I right?

Once more, thanks for all the comments and favorites and stuff! I'm so happy people are liking this and furthermore liking Denmark/America. It always makes me sort of giggle evilly when I see someone comment that I've made them warm up to this couple, or better yet, full-on ship them. They're getting to be one of my new favorites. They deserve more love than they get. The whole Awesome Trio does, for that matter, romance or not.

But all these alternate names for masturbating. Jeez. I'm embarrassed I know this many.

Hope you all enjoy!


	5. The Katy Perry Treatment

The Awesome Trio had gathered together at America's bequest at her place. Last week she had been telling them about the "best motherfucking blanket-fort" she'd ever made, but upon seeing their blank looks, she had loudly lamented their "wasted" childhoods and then told them to come to her place in a few days.

It turned out that America had been sort of right. Building a blanket-fort proved to be a lot of fun. She had taken all the cushions off of her furniture and had even dragged a few chairs from her dining room into the living room. Piles upon piles of American-themed blankets had been brought down from her room and she had instructed the boys on various ways to make a ridiculously cool blanket-fort.

The result had been more than awesome, as was befitting of the Awesome Trio. America had then sent Prussia out for an alcohol run, had grabbed three flashlights and some extra Snuggies and had turned off all the lights. It was late at her place by now so she had offered to let Denmark and Prussia just crash there. In the blanket-fort, of course.

They were all in their new fort, the only light being offered was that of the flashlights. Occasionally Prussia would point his right in Denmark or America's face and find himself on the receiving end of a punch.

If there's one thing about slumber parties that is very, very true, it is that things you didn't know about someone end up coming to light. And considering the lack of filter all three of them had, a lot of things were talked about. For example, Prussia informed them that Hungary had used to think she was a boy and that her dangly-bits would grow in later on. Denmark then offered up information that Sweden and Finland totally had sex while listening to ABBA.

America was about to chime in on the divulging of other people's secrets when her phone went off, a familiar, catchy tune sounding out.

"_I kissed a girl and I liked it_…"

Smiling, America toyed with the screen of her phone and then answered. "'Sup?" Pause. "Oh! Hey, Feli! What's up?" Another pause, followed by a squeal of delight. "_Fuck_ yes I want some! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" America was bouncing where she sat. "Alright! See ya!"

After she hung up, she gave Denmark and Prussia a thumbs-up. "Guess who gets some of Italy's leftover lasagna? This bitch!" She whooped loudly and Denmark couldn't help but sigh. She was wearing footie pajamas, and as it turned out, the very sight was so adorable that Denmark was fairly certain that his brain wasn't really functioning right anymore.

"Say, vhy is 'I Kissed A Girl' your ringtone for Feliciana?" Prussia suddenly asked.

America was notorious for customizing her ringtones for all the nations. For example, whenever France called, 'I Feel Pretty' chimed on her phone. For Russia, she had assigned Radiohead's 'Creep' and for Sweden, she had given 'Dancing Queen' (which was apparently the very song that Sweden and Finland had sex to the most). Every person was given a ringtone for one reason or another, and it always fit their personality.

So when Prussia brought that question up, Denmark suddenly found himself interested as well. America wouldn't just give Italy that ringtone for no reason at all.

"You seriously don't remember?" America cocked her head to the side and let out a low whistle. "You don't remember France's Valentine's Day party last year?" Upon seeing their blank looks, she snapped her fingers, as if realizing something. "That's right! You two were seriously _wasted_."

"So vere you," Prussia pointed out.

"Yeah, but I remembered what happened, like, a week later. And Italy wasn't drunk, so she definitely remembered." America laughed. "I was in on a game of 'Spin-the-Bottle', and it landed on Italy, so I kissed her."

"You _kissed_ her?" Denmark looked like he had just crapped his pants. He wasn't sure if he should be really thrilled or really jealous.

"Vith tongue?!" Prussia cut in eagerly.

"Is that really important?" America ignored his eager nodding. "The point is that I totally had a lesbian experience with Italy! So that's why she got the Katy Perry ringtone."

Denmark was taking large swigs of his beer while Prussia shook his head, disappointed.

"It's not a real lesbian experience if there vas no tongue," Prussia said. "Plus, you vere drunk. It doesn't count if you vere drunk."

"And why not?"

"Because you'd do almost anything vhile you're drunk," Prussia explained. "Hell, if I vas drunk enough, I'd probably kiss Dane."

"You wish," Denmark grumbled around another gulp of beer.

"Yeah, when you got super drunk two years ago, you kissed my brother," America said, tapping her chin in thought. "You might have a point."

"_Might_? I _do_ have a point!" Prussia shook his head. "Plus, it was during a game of spin-the-bottle, not a real-life situation. You did it because of a game, not because of real choice. So it doesn't count."

A really thoughtful look came over America's face and Prussia then decided to change the subject to some story about Gilbird taking a dump on Austria's head.

* * *

The next World Meeting was being held in Berlin. America, for once, had arrived on time and was chatting with Japan when Denmark walked in with the other Nordics. She glanced up and gave him a small nod, but then her focus zeroed in on something behind him. Denmark turned his head and spotted Russia walking in, trailed by his sisters and the Baltics. Her eyes followed them until they sat down—Belarus beside her brother, as always, with Lithuania nearly throwing himself on the seat on her other side—and then she abruptly excused herself and walked over to them, calm-as-you-please.

Meanwhile, Prussia was standing near the front door with his brother, greeting everyone that walked in. He was listening to Germany have some cookie-cutter small-talk with Austria when an eerie hush fell over the room. The brothers looked around and saw exactly what was going on.

America had walked over to where Russia and the others were sitting. Expecting her to have come over to pick a fight with him, Russia had turned to address her, only to be ignored. America had immediately zeroed in on Belarus and had hovered behind her chair until the young woman noticed her.

"What?" Belarus has snapped. And just like that, America had leaned down and pressed her lips against hers.

And, from where Prussia was standing, it looked like America was using tongue.

Finally, America pulled away, gave Belarus a sweet smile and then gave Denmark and Prussia a thumbs-up before she skipped back over to Japan, who was suffering a sudden violent nosebleed.

Belarus, for her part, looked like she wasn't sure if she should stab America to death, stab Denmark and Prussia (who, from her standpoint, looked like the instigators of the sudden kiss) or frantically tell her brother that the kiss meant nothing and it was just America being America.

Finally, she decided to throw a knife in America's direction. America dodged it and then found herself being chased, slasher-movie style, right out of the conference room by Belarus. Eventually, Russia, Denmark and Prussia managed to get Belarus to calm down and brought both girls back into the meeting, which, obviously, did not go very smoothly, considering everyone was waiting for Belarus to attack America or for America to suddenly throw herself over at Belarus for another make-out session. The subject was again breached by Italy during lunch break.

"Ve~ why did Belarus get mad?" Italy smiled. "America's a wonderful kisser!"

Germany had begun to choke on the pasta Italy had given him in shock. While she fretted over him, Denmark, who had overheard, glanced over at Belarus, expecting her to be staring at America with murderous rage.

Belarus definitely was staring at America, as Denmark had suspected she would. But it wasn't with murderous rage. It was more… well, it was definitely creepy. In fact, it was… oh, no. Oh, _fuck_ no.

That looked like the way she stared at Russia.

Well, shit.

* * *

About three weeks later, America was chilling at Denmark's place. She was playing Poker with him (and thoroughly kicking his ass) when her phone went off.

"_Me so horny, me love you long time_…"

"'Me So Horny'?" Denmark felt panic spike in his gut.

"I know, right!" America beamed. "Whatever happened to 2 Live Crew?"

"Who's calling?!"

America just smirked and then pressed the phone against her ear. "Hey, Belarus, long time no see."

Denmark frowned. _Well, at least it's not fucking Australia. That kangaroo bastard._

After a short chat in which America promised they would hang out soon, she hung up and immediately focused back on their game. "Okay, where were we…?"

Denmark, however, was more focused on other things. "Hey, out of curiosity, what's my ringtone for when I call you?"

"Call me and find out." America smirked.

He did so and waited a little nervously. Then he heard it and felt a smug smile stretch out over his face.

"_I'm sexy and I know it_…"

Well. In his not-so-humble opinion, that ringtone was perfect.

* * *

**Author Notes**

Haha, could America have possibly picked a worse country to have a lesbian experience with? Let's give it up for some AmeBel! Yaaay! I kind of like these two, so we might see Belarus creepin' on America a little bit.

-How perfect was everyone's ringtone? My favorite one mentioned was Russia's being 'Creep'. Anyone have any guesses as to other ringtones America has given to other countries? Also, anyone like the Snuggie mention? I bet America has a whole bunch just stockpiled somewhere, just in case there's a Snuggie shortage or something.

-I had someone ask if this fic is going to have any smut. Hm... mostly this is rated M for the Awesome Trio's foul language and some pretty raunchy stuff. I don't know if I want straight-up smut in this (it might detract from the story is what I'm wary of), but I can tell you there will definitely be a lot of sex-related stuff being discussed and there might be some lead-up to sex, but I don't think I'll do anything too explicit. Sorry if that's what anyone is holding their breath for, but hopefully the sexytimes I do have in store will be sufficient.

-Also! I'm Swedish, so English is not my first language. I lived in America for about six years, so I am really confident in my English, but I know it's not perfect, so if you see any mistakes or sentences that don't make sense, let me know!

Gah, it's so early here. I'm going back to bed. In any case, thanks to everyone to has favorited and leaves reviews! I love them, love them, love them, and I'm so happy everyone is liking these!

Hope you enjoy!


	6. Round One Goes to Kyle the Koala

"Oh. My. God!" America's voice was loud enough to shatter eardrums. She was bouncing as they walked into the restaurant, clapping her hands together like an eager seal. "I'm about to eat hamburgers in _Hamburg_!"

She bounded inside the building as Denmark held the door open for her. When Prussia attempted to follow, Denmark shoved him out of the way and let go of the door so it smashed the albino a bit. Prussia grumbled and smacked Denmark upside the head as he followed after them, but the Dane was too distracted by America practically hyperventilating from excitement right in front of him.

The trio was sat down and none of them seemed to care about the strange looks America was receiving for her theatrics.

"You guys _rock_ for taking me here!" she announced, guzzling down some beer. She looked at them both, a big smile on her face. "Seriously. You two are the best friends I could ask for!" She paused and tapped her chin, thinking. "You know, besides Japan. And England, I guess, but he's more like my annoying, overprotective brother."

Denmark probably would have been incredibly jealous of Japan and England for America considering them her "best friends", but he just smiled, unconcerned. England was, like she said, more of a nagging big brother to her. He had been jealous of Japan once upon a time, but he had been invited to hang out with them at Japan's place to play some new videogames of his that had come out once. After seeing how hopelessly in the friendzone America had placed him in, Denmark's jealously gave way to a mostly unjustified smugness whenever he was mentioned in conversation. His particular favorite was…

"So, has Japan asked you to go on a date yet?" Denmark asked casually, raising a wolfish eyebrow at America. She rolled her eyes.

"Please. Kiku's my homeboy. He's… well, he's kind of like my brother, too!"

* * *

Somewhere at that exact moment in a busy district of Tokyo, Japan froze, his eyebrows furrowing as a shiver ran through his body. He had a feeling he should be very, very depressed right then, but he couldn't figure out why.

* * *

Denmark smirked at her response. Yeah. He liked hearing that.

"Oh, and there's Australia."

Prussia snorted, unimpressed. "That unawesome kangaroo nutjob? Jesus. I don't know how you can stand him. All he does is talk about wrestling crocodiles and he's alvways molesting that damn boomerang—"

"The boomerang is sexy!" America sighed and flicked a stray blonde curl out of her eyes. "And he's real funny. He's like England, but cooler, and… Woah. Mathias, you okay? You look like you're gonna try to do something crazy, like blow up the moon or something."

Sure enough, Denmark had an aura about him that promised bloodshed to the next moron who stepped a toe out of line around him. He hadn't felt this sort of bloodlust since the Viking days.

He'd had his suspicions about that damn Aussie for a while. At first, he had let the little comments from that guy slip. He could hardly blame other countries for flirting with America because she was _awesome_, but over Christmas, Australia's present had been a free round-trip to his house where they had spent the whole time "running with a pack of dingoes", according to America, who said it was the most fun month she'd spent in her entire life (the highlight of it being when she had apparently asserted herself as the alpha). Neither Denmark nor Prussia had seen America during that time at all, and when she returned, she had been almost feral. She was also suspiciously good at throwing a boomerang.

It wasn't like Denmark was surprised someone else was chasing after her. He just didn't think anyone would be stupid enough to do it so _blatantly_ when it was obvious that _he_ had his sights on her. It was common knowledge that you did _not_ anger any of the ex-Vikings. In fact, Prussia had learned that recently when he'd made the dire mistake of flirting with Finland. Sweden, of course, had heard and the result had been Prussia being put into a hospital for nearly a month. And that was just for innocent _flirting_. Had Prussia been serious in his pursuit, Denmark had little doubt his friend would be six feet under.

"I'm fine," Denmark managed to hiss through his clenched teeth. His fingers twitched for his axe. He would have liked nothing more than to run over to that bastard's house and crack his skull open as a warning to stay the fuck away from America. But he had a feeling America would not be too happy with that.

Judging by her expression—and Prussia's amused smirk—Denmark was not being very convincing. So he decided to distract him.

"Food's coming!" He pointed at the wait staff that was walking over, trays filled with their plethora of food.

"FUCK YES!" America started bouncing in her seat again. She grabbed Denmark's arm eagerly. "Is anyone else getting wet?!"

Denmark turned bright red and Prussia cackled. Just as they were all about to dig in, a cheerful voice interrupted.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the loveliest Sheila my eyes have ever seen!"

Well, speak of the Devil and the Devil shall come. Denmark cringed and felt his death glare fall into place. Sure, it wasn't as terrifying as Sweden's, but it did its job… usually. It apparently didn't work on idiots who spent more time hanging out with koalas than actual people.

Oh, and Australia had a koala hanging off of him.

"Hey, Jack!" America chirped. She looked ready to dig into her hamburger when she spotted the koala on him and her eyes widened. She stood up quietly and then stood, hovering merely centimeters from Australia, before she looked him in the eye. A huge smile came over her face and she screamed at the top of her lungs at such a high pitch that Denmark was pretty sure only dogs could hear it. "OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT THING IT'S SO CUTE I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION HELP ME OH GOD IT'S SO CUTE GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!"

With that, she snatched the koala off of Australia and hugged it to her. The koala just sort of stared at her, uncaring, before it wrapped its arms around her neck and snuggled in. America looked ready to faint as she kept going on and on about its cuteness.

Denmark glared at his plate of food, his murderous impulses barely being kept at bay. If he had known bringing cute baby animals to America would make her so happy, he would have given her enough cute, fuzzy baby animals to fill a fucking petting zoo.

"That's Kyle," Australia said, and then he seemed to notice Denmark and Prussia glaring at him. "Ah, g'day, mates!"

"Fuck off," Prussia snapped.

It was pretty well-known that Prussia and Denmark were territorial. In recent times, Australia had been taking up more and more of America's attention, and neither of them were too into that: Denmark because he was the jealous type and didn't like watching some arrogant bastard other than himself trying to impress America and Prussia simply because he kind of liked being a dick, and also because he had heard tell that Australia was "super awesome" and felt the need to defend his title.

Australia was not put off by Prussia's nasty remark and simply laughed good-naturedly before he turned his attention to Denmark briefly. He smirked a little and then looked at Kyle the Koala hanging off of America.

Denmark got the message loud and clear. _Look, she likes my koala. Round one goes to me, fucker_.

Well, fine. So Denmark didn't have any spare bear cubs on him at the moment. But that didn't mean he couldn't be sexy.

Standing up, he pulled his axe up from where it was resting against the table and then grinned when he caught America's attention. She watched, entranced, as he tested the sharpness of his blade and then gave her his typical cocky smirk.

"Huh. I might have to sharpen the blade soon." Denmark sighed. "You know, I used this axe in more wars than I can remember. Been told the look of bloodlust in my eyes is nearly indescribably terrifying on a battlefield."

America stared at him, panting a little bit and Denmark slid his gaze smugly to Australia. Sure, the Aussie could play up cuteness, but Denmark could do sexy like it was no one's business.

"That's neat, mate," Australia said, faking his cheerfulness. "Just last week I had a bit of a scuffle with one of the animals at my place."

"Oh, yeah?" Prussia snorted. "Did you have to go see a man about a wallaby?"

"No, mate. I wrestled me a croc."

America gasped, her gaze now torn away from Denmark, who was seductively still checking his blade's sharpness, and gaped at Australia. "You wrestled a crocodile?!"

"Sure did."

"Wow!" America pouted. "I've only wrestled sharks and bears and wolves and pythons! I've never wrestled a crocodile before!"

"You must lead a really hard life," Prussia said dryly. Of course, the sarcasm flew right over her head and she nodded forlornly.

"You're welcome to my place anytime," Australia offered cheerfully. "Got plenty of crocs for you to wrestle."

"Can I keep one?"

The Aussie looked a little surprised by the request, but he shrugged. "Don't see why you would want to, but sure."

"_Pfft_, don't see why I would want to… you're funny!" America punched Australia's arm none-too-gently, causing him to wince a bit while Denmark smirked at his pain. "Anyhoo, what are you doing in Hamburg?"

"Ah! New Zealand and I were supposed to be having a meeting with Germany." He motioned toward a table over on the other side of the restaurant where, sure enough, Germany and New Zealand were sitting, chatting with each other. "Trade stuff, you know. We're waiting on Philippines."

"Cool," Prussia cut in. "And by cool I mean so unawesome I might cry. Beat it."

Australia laughed again before he took out his boomerang and handed it to America reverently. "Here, hold onto this until you come visit me. Don't take too long, though, I love my boomerang."

Denmark's eyes narrowed and Prussia rolled his eyes, mumbling something nasty in German under his breath. America blushed a little and then nodded, holding the boomerang against her chest as Australia said his goodbyes and then left. She sat down, grinning, and then dug into her food, unaware of Denmark losing his shit while Prussia looked annoyed.

"I hate that fucker!" Denmark finally snapped. America raised an eyebrow and Prussia made a noise of agreement. "I don't know why you hang out with him!"

"Oh, because last time I took you guys on an adventure to find Megalodon, you both cried about the water pressure being too much for you to handle," she explained. "He's into adventure like that. You guys are warriors, not adventurers. I'm a warrior _and_ an adventurer. So I need regular doses of both."

"I didn't cry," Prussia mumbled.

"Aw, Mathias!" America giggled as he pouted at the tabletop. "Are you jelly?"

He didn't reply.

America giggled and leaned over so that her lips brushed over his ear. He shuddered as she whispered, "You've got nothing to be jealous of."

Denmark gaped at her, his jealous depression forgotten as America eye-raped her burger before she shoved it into her mouth.

He then snickered to himself as he took a bite of his own meal. _Suck on that, Australia_.

* * *

**Author Notes**

Aaaaand we've met Australia! This isn't my 'Australia Chapter', though. That one will either be uploaded next or, you know, after that. It will be uploaded at some point. Yeah. Soon. Maybe really soon. Who knows? Life works in mysterious ways.

-"See a man about a wallaby"-Did anyone catch that that was from 'Finding Nemo'?! Ah, I love that movie! Anyone as pumped about 'Finding Dory' as I am?!

-So, I had someone with an awesome idea comment by the name of 'imjustastranger' suggesting that America walk into a meeting wearing a Playboy Bunny outfit, and I just about laughed for a million years before I calmed down. But then I thought 'hey, maybe she should walk in wearing a Wonder Woman costume. Or... or a Leia outfit! Like from Star Wars when Jabba has her! Something nerdy-sexy!' So what do you guys think? Playboy Bunny, Slave Leia or Wonder Woman? Or even something else?!

-Thanks for the confidence-booster about using English! My parents actually spoke to me and my siblings exclusively in English while we were growing up and we learned Swedish while watching TV or while we were out and about. Then I started school and they taught me even more English. So I guess I grew up bilingual? I think?

-So, who would you guys pick? Denmark or Australia? Or are you planning on holding out until we get to know our Aussie a little better? And while we're on the topic, do you guys want more zany adventures between these three or do you want me to focus on the romance? Or should I switch it up, so we get a few chapters where they're being all nutty and then throw in one that's all fluff and relationship-ish?

Thanks for all the reviews (30?! Omg, you guys! Jag är så glad!) and favorites! It makes me feel... dare I say it? It makes me feel AWESOME!


	7. Birds Can Be Perverts, Too

"Gilbird, you awesome feathery bastard, come get your food!"

There was no reply outside of America and Denmark talking animatedly about the latest _Walking Dead_ episode in the living area. Germany was upstairs, finishing some paperwork and hiding from Prussia's obnoxious friends in hopes that they would mercifully vacate the premises soon. Prussia, meanwhile, was in the kitchen, having just filled up a tiny bowl of bird seed for Gilbird to eat.

While Gilbird loved eating more than he loved most things, he had yet to show up. Usually he was already eating before Prussia even finished announcing that it was time to eat.

So where the hell was that bird?

Trying his best not to get worried about his little buddy, he called out again. "Gilbird? Vhere are you? Food's ready!"

He listened closely for the telltale sound of flapping wings, but nothing happened. America and Denmark's conversation had become a big monologue of America lecturing Denmark on why Cleopatra wouldn't be able to beat Susan B. Anthony in a fistfight.

"Hey, losers," Prussia said, hoping to keep his tone neutral as he poked his head into the living area. "Have you seen Gilbird anywhere?"

America stopped mid-rant and frowned. "Yeah, he's napping."

"Vhere?"

Her face turned bright red and she cleared her throat. "Uh…"

Prussia stepped into the room and crossed his arms over his chest. "Vhat did you do to Gilbird?"

"Nothing!" America replied quickly. She swallowed nervously and wrung her hands together. "It's just… kinda embarrassing."

Both Prussia and Denmark looked beyond surprised. Typically, America never had the presence of mind to be embarrassed about anything, not even the time she had walked in on Prussia and Denmark attempting to watch porn together. Instead of turning bright red and running off, full of apologies, she had simply asked them if they were up to watching _Creeping Terror_ with her later ("It's about ghost bugs! Scary, huh?!") and had simply sat between them and patiently waited for the porn to end, even going so far as to comment on it ("Psh, doesn't it look like he's trying really hard not to fart? Haha!").

So if America found something embarrassing, it was no doubt bad. Or, who knew, maybe it was nothing.

"Tell me vhere he is," Prussia said darkly.

America blushed (which made Denmark blush because she looked so cute) and opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of a chirp.

Not just any chirp. Gilbird's chirp. Prussia would recognize it anywhere.

America's mouth snapped shut and her face turned even redder as her albino friend approached slowly, tilting his head to listen. America opened her mouth once again, and once again, before she could speak she was interrupted by Gilbird's chirp, louder this time.

"_Mein Gott_!" Prussia launched himself at America. She shrieked as he began to try to pry her mouth open. "Did you eat Gilbird, you bitch?! Let him out! _Let him out_!"

America punched Prussia hard enough in the stomach to send him flying across the room. He landed, sprawled on his back, as America sat up and smoothed down her hair, her expression that of obvious annoyance. Denmark, meanwhile, was glaring at Prussia so hard that the ex-nation was surprised he didn't just burst into flames from the sheer, angry force of it.

"I didn't eat your fucking bird, dipshit!" America snapped. "Your bird is an even bigger pervert than you!"

Prussia sat up, groaning, and frowned, not sure what America was getting at. Suddenly, there was another chirping sound and Prussia stood, walking over with his hands raised in a conciliatory manner to show that he wasn't coming over to force America to puke up the bird he was still kind of convinced she had eaten.

The chirping was getting louder and America was blushing so hard that, had Spain been there, he would have easily compared her to a tomato. Prussia listened closely while Denmark watched like a hawk to make sure Prussia kept his hands to himself.

Suddenly, Prussia paused right over America's cleavage and raised an eyebrow. America groaned and looked away, pouting.

"Did he…?"

"Yeah. He did."

Prussia threw his head back in hysterics and shook his head. "Kesesese~! That bastard!"

"He's definitely _your_ bird," America replied dryly.

Denmark was officially lost, but he didn't like any of the implications going on. "The fuck is your bird doing to Mia, Gil?"

"He made a little nest in her boobs, that's vhat!" Prussia laughed again while Denmark pursed his lips, trying to decide whether it was worth it to be angry at a pervy bird. Once Prussia calmed down, he snapped his fingers. "Alright, Gilbird, you've had your fun feeling the babe up. Come on out for your dinner."

Prussia was met with a chirp, but the bird didn't leave America's cleavage. In fact, America sighed. "It feels like he shook his head. Oh, and he burrowed in a little lower."

"That shithead." Prussia leaned in closer so that he was hovering inches above her boobs. "_Komm her_!"

Someone cleared their throat. Everyone looked over and saw Germany frowning at the sight before him—America, sitting on the sofa, looking annoyed; Denmark, sitting beside her a looking pissed and Prussia leaning over America's boobs and yelling in German.

Needless to say, he'd walked into stranger, but still. Without another word, Germany muttered something under his breath and then told them he was headed to Italy for a while. With that, he left.

"Oh, great!" Prussia rolled his red eyes and turned his attention back to the task of getting Gilbird out of America's bra. "Now _mein bruder_ thinks I'm some kind of pervert!"

"Pretty sure he already knew you were." Denmark smirked as Prussia began to sputter, feigning being offended.

"Shut up!" Prussia went back to work, screaming at America's boobs. "This is so unawesome of you, Gilbird! I know it's probably warm and comfy! Believe me, you're living the dream in there, but you can't stay forever!"

Gilbird apparently thought differently because he simply chirped and stayed where he was.

"Alright, that's it!" Prussia rolled up his sleeve, his expression determined. "You're coming out of there, Gilbird!"

"Hey," America said uneasily. "What are you—"

Then Prussia plunged his hand into her shirt and began to rifle around, his expression almost comically focused. America gasped and sat there, stock still in total shock as she tried to process that yes, this was happening.

"I think I found him…" Prussia grinned and grabbed something before giving America a lecherous smile. "Haha, so your boobs _are_ real!"

Prussia had either just proved that he was the stupidest being on the face of the planet, or he had had a serious lapse in good judgment, because he forgot, in that instant, that Denmark was watching. With his axe.

He remembered it, however, when Prussia pulled Gilbird out of America's shirt and stepped away just as Denmark had swung his weapon, narrowly missing Prussia. The axe embedded itself in the floorboards with a loud, terrifying _SLAM_, and when Prussia looked into Denmark's eyes, he swore he had never felt the fear of God in him until that moment. Gilbird, unaware of the massive, possibly-deadly problem he had just caused for his friend, flew off to eat.

As Denmark ran Prussia out of the house, America still sat on the sofa, frowning. Silently, she stood up after really processing everything and walked into the kitchen. She yanked Gilbird unceremoniously away from his food, earning an angry screech from the bird as she walked outside. She quietly watched Prussia being chased by Denmark before she calmly jogged over, yelling for their attention.

Denmark paused, mid-swing, and Prussia blinked from where he lay on the ground in terror, his life already flashing before his eyes. America was towering over him now, frowning, and he wasn't sure if he should be relieved that he had been spared by Denmark or terrified that he now had to face America.

"Stand up," she snapped. Prussia did as he was told, shaking under the joint blue-eyed glare of his blonde friends. He tried not to imagine the various ways they would kill him. Would America hold Prussia down while Denmark chopped him up? Or would Denmark take pictures and upload them onto Facebook while America shoved him off a cliff?

But America did something he didn't expect. Without a single word, she grabbed the waistband of his pants, yanked them open, and just when he was sincerely hoping she was about to make a grab for his nuts in retaliation for rummaging around in her boobs, she shoved a very angry, very hungry Gilbird down his pants and then walked off, mumbling about going home to take a million showers.

Denmark smirked as Prussia squirmed with discomfort and then pointed at him with his axe. "Consider yourself lucky, fucker."

* * *

**Author Notes**

Haha, for some reason, I couldn't get the image of Gilbird sleeping in America's boobs out of my head a while back, and this is what came of that. Oh, Prussia. You idiot.

-A lot of you guys seem to like jealous!Denmark, and I've gotta say, so do I! You can expect a bit more of that, and pretty soon-ish, some jealous America, too. Because that's going to be adorable/terrifying.

-A lot you guys commented on different ideas for America's outfit and I just... wow. SO many good ideas! I'm finding a way of incorporating hopefully as many of those as I can into that story and I like how it's turning out!

-I totally thought of more ringtones for countries while I was procrastinating at work the other day! And there were some suggestions I read here that made me laugh SO hard. Someone said 'Fergalicious' for America's personal ringtone and I about lost it. I was also thinking 'Boss Ass Bitch' for her would rock. I'm thinking of revealing a few of them throughout the fic in various ways, but if I can't find a natural way to do it, I'll write it down in my A/N as a sort of 'fun fact' type of thing. Like I've already revealed Denmark's ringtone on America's phone, so I'll tell you guys that Prussia's is 'Disco Pogo' by Die Atzen. Perfekt, ja?

-You guys... 15 reviews in the last chapter alone?! 15?! *dies* And you guys had such nice things to say! I'm so happy you guys are enjoying reading these as much as I am enjoying writing them!

Ugh, it's so early (almost four in the morning here) and I'm awake because my cat decided to sing at the top of his lungs, so I decided to just do something while I'm lying in bed, beyond tired and doing nothing.

So! As always, hope you guys enjoy, and adjö until next time!


	8. So, Who's Sticking It In Who?

The Awesome Trio had gathered in Berlin, and after consuming enough beer that would have killed any normal person, they were all just buzzed enough to become a little something called "honest drunk".

Each of them reacted very differently to consuming quantities of alcohol. In Prussia's case, his personality simply seemed to become amplified. Where he was loud and obnoxious under normal circumstances, while he was under the influence of alcohol, he was even louder and more obnoxious. He tended to like starting barfights with people he could never hope to beat and try to hit on girls who were less than interested.

Then there was America, who tended to become clingy and über-nice whenever she got shit-faced. She tended to tell people all about her feelings, as well as her whole life story, and was known for her ridiculous one-liners and her tendency to latch onto one person at the bar and harass them all night about how she wanted to be friends once she was sober because "she wasn't usually like this".

Last, and certainly not least, was Denmark, who became sort of like the fun frat guy who liked to dance and hit on anything that moved. He enjoyed yelling out, "SHOTS!" at the top of his lungs and playing beer-drinking games. America had made the grave mistake of teaching him beer pong and that was all he wanted to do anytime they went out drinking for months.

All three of them were well on their way to blackout-drunk, but before they got there, they were hitting their soul-baring part of the night. Someone usually ended up in tears, and it looked like tonight was Denmark's turn.

He was crying into America's shoulder, whining about never being able to find true love while Prussia patted his back, muttering, "Life is fucked up, man. Fucked. Up." America, meanwhile, held him, humming the tune of 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' in an attempt to calm him down.

"There are people out there who love you, Mathias," America assured him, her words slurring together a bit as she took another gulp of her Manhattan. "Just think, you have your family, all those Nordics… they love you."

That just made him cry even more.

"And Gil and I, we love you."

"No homo, asswipe," Prussia slurred as he downed yet another mug of foamy beer. "I've got a girlfriend!"

"No, you don't," America said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain _her_?" Prussia blindly reached out and grabbed someone, yanking them into his lap. Poor Canada was his newest victim. "Look! My girlfriend!"

Canada looked downright terrified. "Um… I'm a man…"

Prussia eyed him closely and then shrugged. "You're my girlfriend, guy. No homo."

"That doesn't make any sense." America eyed her big brother and laughed. "You and Mattie look soooooo cute!"

Canada looked like he wanted to die while Prussia just scoffed. "Ve look _awesome_, you mean. Not cute. Ve're men!"

"Look how much worse it could be, Mathias," America said, returning her attention to Denmark, who was now using his sobbing as an excuse to shove his face into her cleavage. "You could be forcing my big brother to sit in your lap and call him your girlfriend."

Denmark reluctantly pulled his face away from her chest to eye the pair and then nodded, sitting back up and drinking and apparently forgetting about crying.

"Shut up!" Prussia snapped. He was angry enough to not even notice Canada slide off his lap and hurry away, mumbling about losing his dignity. But, to the three almost-drunk friends who were sitting there, it sounded like he had said something about losing his _virginity_, not dignity.

"What? You deflowered my brother?! You bastard!" The 'bastard' was delivered in such a way that it would make South Italy proud. America slapped Prussia across the cheek and began to gulp down the rest of her drink, motioning for a refill from the bartender. "Touching my brother like that, you perv! If you even _look_ at Mattie again, I'll cut off your balls! And then I'll let you pick whether you want them shoved down your throat or up your ass!"

"I didn't sleep vith your bruder!" Prussia snapped.

Denmark frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. "Who?"

America opened her mouth, but then she paused before she said anything and shrugged. "Huh. I forget. Wanna hear about my first time?"

"I've been curious about who plucked your flower," Prussia said, tapping his chin. "I alvays thought it vas Francis."

Denmark scowled, not really wanting to hear about it.

"It can't be as awesome as how _I_ lost _my_ virginity!" Prussia puffed up his chest. "I vas Elizaveta's first, and she vas my first! She had gotten beat up pretty bad and I vas going to give her my awesome crotch cloth to help heal her vounds, and then she lunged at me and ve made passionate sex! I rocked her vorld!"

"Outdoor sex is fun," Denmark said wistfully. "I lost my virginity to a nice Danish girl just before I went off on my first Viking raid. She told me she wanted me to remember her always. I cried after."

That last part had been unintentionally said after, but thanks to the happy juice they were all guzzling, it kind of just slipped out. America let out a long "aww" while Prussia snorted and mumbled, "pussy".

Denmark blushed and hurriedly ordered another round while America smirked.

"I don't care if you guys lost your virginity on the fucking moon!" She laughed. "And you can't fool me, Gil. Elizaveta and I gossip all the time! She said you hardly lasted a minute and she had to finish the job for herself."

Now it was Denmark's turn to laugh while Prussia turned bright red and motioned for more beer.

"Anyway, _I_ didn't lose my virginity to just _anyone_." She smirked. "I lost my virginity to Elvis Presley."

Denmark choked on his drink while Prussia's mouth fell open.

"_You had your first time vith the King_?" Prussia halfway screamed. He pounded his fists on the table. "You've got to be fucking _joking_!"

"I am _not_," America huffed. "I went to one of his concerts back when he was starting to become this huge sensation, right? Our government was totally watching him because they thought he was up to no good." She grinned. "Just looking at him got me all riled up. While we were making out, I called my boss and he asked me if Elvis was up to anything, and I said he was definitely _up_ to something, if you know what I mean."

She then attempted to wink, but she couldn't quite coordinate her eyes at the moment and ended up just blinking a lot.

"Well, anyway, it wasn't exactly _perfect_," she admitted after giving up. Taking a swig of Denmark's drink by accident, she gave him an apologetic look before continuing. "While we started taking our clothes off, I asked him who was going to stick it in who."

"_Vhat_?!" Prussia yelled as Denmark did a spit-take. The bartender glared at them and America quickly threw him a wad of cash and apologized profusely. Once things calmed down, Prussia once more turned to America, looking incredulous. "Vhat vere you planning on sticking in him?!"

America sighed. "All I knew about sex was England's crappy little sex talk, which was basically him telling me to be a virgin forever, and France's big speech about how to _trick_ someone into having sex with you. Not any juicy details, so I ended up getting all my information from Hungary's yaoi collection…"

"Oh, Jesus," Denmark said, rolling his eyes as Prussia groaned. "So you only knew how to have _gay_ sex?"

"Yeah. I figured I was being polite, you know, giving him an opportunity to tell me if he wanted to top before I dominated. And then after I calmed him down, we did it. And that was that."

"That vas _that_?" Prussia shook his head. "You did the nasty vith the most legendary figure in rock and roll history and all you have to say about it is 'that vas that'?"

"I mean, yeah, it was nice," America amended. "But he was no Marlon Brando, you know what I'm sayin'?"

"_You slept vith Marlon Brando_?!"

"Yeah. He got super clingy, though."

Meanwhile, Denmark continued to be depressed, even more so than before as he guzzled his beer and was fast approaching shit-faced drunk. He did _not_ like hearing about America's past dalliances. At. All.

"But they all lacked that… that_ je ne sais pas_. I dunno." She grinned. "I'm not losing sleep about it."

"_Mein Gott_, aren't girls supposed to be all… you know, 'oh, I vant mein happily ever after, oh!'" Prussia frowned suddenly and looked at his empty lap. "Hey! Vhat the hell? Vhere did my girlfriend go?"

"Pssh!" America rolled her eyes. "I don't believe in happily ever after. It's Disney crappola."

Denmark, meanwhile, was still not contributing to this 'scintillating' conversation and instead chose to rest his forehead against the wooden surface of the bar, letting his long arms hang limply toward the ground. This was such a shit night. He wanted to go home.

Prussia grumbled about finding his girlfriend. He stood up and stumbled a bit before sleepiness suddenly overtook him and he passed out in a booth.

America glanced at her friend quietly before she turned to Denmark, a frown on her face. "Damn, Mathias, you look like someone just stole your left nut. What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything and instead took another swig of his drink.

America studied him quietly for a few long moments before sighing. "I'm never going to know what's wrong if you don't tell me."

Denmark gripped his glass until it started to crack under the pressure. He sighed and decided that the alcohol was making him brave and honest for tonight. But he was a man, damn it! He wasn't about to choke out some corny Ryan Gosling soulmate confession.

So all that came out was a strangely fierce, "I _hate_ Elvis Presley." He paused, thinking. "And Marlon Brando. I hate them."

It was quiet for a few long moments before America smiled and then, to Denmark's utter surprise, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. After some careful consideration, she then gave him a hug. Not one of her usual friendly bear hugs that crushed him nearly to death, but a sweet hug. It was… different. Definitely in a good way.

While America continued to hug him (and he finally gathered enough of his drunken wits to return the hug), he couldn't help but think that the night wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

**Author Notes**

Decided to publish this before going off to work. Yay for some fluffy times!

-I love these three drunk. Way too much fun to write. Weepy Denmark and affectionate America makes for serious cuteness. Oh, those two! I am seriously falling in love with this pairing. I'm probably going to start getting a little more fluffy with these two because I want to sort of buckle down and start getting a little bit past Denmark's jealous schoolboy crush and America's lighthearted flirting. So we might see some more serious stuff, but of course, the Awesome Trio is all about shits and giggles so there will definitely be no shortage of that. And did anyone want me to try and pair Prussia up with someone? I've got some PruHun strongly implied, but I'm thinking of throwing Prussia a bone here. Anyone got any opinions? Or should we keep Prussia as a free agent?

-You guys can decide whether or not Prussia was lying about actually sleeping with Hungary. I would say America kind of confirmed the truth of it all, but who knows? Also, haha, poor Canada is drunk Prussia's girlfriend now. No homo.

-Do you guys have any theories as to other tough guys America may have seduced? Or is she not quite so slutty as all that? Maybe it's just been Elvis and Marlon, who knows?

-Oh! And did you guys know that the government actually totally did spy on Elvis because all these fangirls were going nutso over him? That made me laugh. If only they could see Beliebers, am I right?

-By the way, Hungary's ringtone is "Run the World (Girls)" by Beyoncé and Austria's ringtone is "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco. Fun facts right there that have nothing to do with the fic.

Hope you guys enjoy and stay warm! I don't know about where you guys are, but it's been really, really cold here lately!

Enjoy!


	9. The Smartest Idiots You'll Ever Meet

The Awesome Trio had at one point decided it was not fair of them to keep all of their awesomeness to themselves. They each had friends outside of the trio, and once a month, they were allowed to bring a friend (an _awesome_ friend, of course) to an Awesome Trio meeting.

The only reason several of them had attended had been morbid curiosity about what those three did. But upon finding out, no one was ever too impressed (or surprised, for that matter).

Denmark and Prussia had changed up their friends only a few times—Denmark's first guest had been Norway, although that ended with the chilly nation tossing Prussia through a window. Then Denmark had brought Sweden, but within five minutes of their meeting, Sve had stood up, looked them all in the eye, shook his head at Denmark and then left in silence. When Denmark had tried to invite Finland the next week, Sweden had grabbed the phone from her hands and told Demark not to "sc're m'wife' and then promptly hung up. He didn't even bother calling Iceland, knowing full well he wouldn't be interested, and inviting Greenland and the Faroe Islands was weird, seeing as how they were his sisters. In the end, he had found someone to bring regularly—Netherlands, who was so perpetually stoned during these meetings that he was unbothered by the obnoxious wavelengths radiating out from all three members of the Awesome Trio. In truth, he didn't smoke as often as many seemed to believe. But for these little get-togethers, weed was necessary if he wanted to sit through it without shooting someone in the face.

Then there had been Prussia, who hadn't friend-hopped nearly as much. He had first gotten Austria, who, like Sweden, had left, though he'd stuck around for a half hour looking pissed off the whole time. Apparently, the final straw had been when America had decided to crank up the Ke$ha. Austria had yelled about how she wasn't listening to "real music" and had stormed off, never to return. Hungary had sat through a meeting, but she didn't come back, probably because Prussia had spent the entire meeting staring at her and breathing kind of heavily. In the end, Prussia had decided to bring Canada, who he figured could use a good regular dose of awesome.

America was the one with the revolving door of guests, most of them unwilling. The only one who had come who had seemed even remotely interested in what was going on was Mexico, but even he had his limits, despite displaying his big brother Spain's laid-back and cheerful attitude. America had brought England once, but he had spent the whole time complaining, and when she brought France, he just wanted to talk about his hair and try to seduce everyone in the room. She had also brought South Korea, Philippines, Kuwait, Israel, the Italy sisters and even Russia, among a plethora of others that she had jive-talked into coming.

Denmark wondered idly who America would bring this time. Last month she had brought poor Japan, who had managed to evade the meetings until recently. When America wasn't hanging out with him and Prussia, Denmark realized she was usually over at Japan's place. He had been jealous for about two seconds until he actually saw them interacting and realized that America had friendzoned Japan so hard that she found about as much sex appeal in him as she would an inanimate object, like, say, a stapler.

Netherlands sat beside him, a kind, laid-back smile on his face as he appeared to be staring intensely at the ceiling in deep thought. Meanwhile, Prussia was lecturing Canada on the "essential qualities of awesomeness", stating that the first, most obvious rule, was having a name that started with "Pr" and ended in "ussia".

The doors flew open and America walked in. Prussia and Denmark looked up curiously to see who the "lucky" country was and both of them looked like they had shit their pants at around the same time, each of them for different reasons.

"Ta-da~!" America sing-songed. "Lookie-Lou! I brought Australia!"

Australia smiled at them all in that cocky, surfer-prima-donna way that made Denmark's blood boil. Not _this_ fucking shitface. Sure, technically, Denmark and Australia had decent relations. They weren't close by any means, but they weren't adversaries. Politically, anyway.

When it came to America, they were in a full-on war that, so far, had only been comprised of a lot of snide looks, raised eyebrows and cute baby animals. A stand-off, like that movie America had put on for her Western-themed birthday party four years ago, _The Good, the Bad and the Ugly_.

"And look who he brought!" America suddenly grabbed what appeared to be a crocodile on a leash. The horrifying beast let out a warning hiss that America ignored. In fact, her grin just got bigger. "It's Mister Bunny!"

"Mister Bunny?" Prussia echoed. Canada looked terrified and seemed to be contemplating jumping out the window to escape while Denmark hardly noticed the croc, too busy focusing on glaring at Australia, who was just standing there, smiling like the bastard he was. "Vhy the hell vould someone name a beast like that Mister Bunny?"

"Bunnies," Netherlands spoke up, turning his attention to the crocodile. He grinned. "Rabbits are proof that there _is_ a God."

America nodded in agreement with him. "Anyway, we're here. Sorry we took so long. Aussie was showing me some tricks with his boomerang."

Denmark snapped to attention. The way she said 'boomerang' was a lot like the way she said 'axe'. As in, _his_ axe. His axe that she very vocally found sexually arousing.

But he knew he was being ridiculous. There was no way that America could possibly find some lame-ass boomerang cooler than his Viking axe.

But then Australia just had to whip that fucking boomerang out and threw it. The boomerang spun through the room before America jumped up and caught it.

"We're so in sync, guys, it's crazy!" She beamed and fist-bumped him. "Like, we're practically Tina Fey and Amy Poehler we're so… you know. He's like butter and I'm like more butter. And what goes better with butter than butter, am I right?"

Prussia made a face. "Vhatever. Sit down, ve have a lot to go over. Try to keep your simple, unawesome mind up vith us, Kangaroo Jack."

"Can do, mate!" Australia continued to toy with his boomerang and smiled as America scooped Mister Bunny up and then walked over to their designated seats.

"First order of business," Prussia said, standing up and shuffling through some notecards (notecards that mostly just had AWESOME scribbled across it in many different languages). "I vant to hear the awesomest thing you have seen or done in recent memory! Hollandaise Sauce, you first!"

Netherlands blinked and then smiled languidly, stretching out on his seat. He eyed the food America had magically produced from God-knew-where and motioned that he wanted some. As he began to munch on a Nutter Butter, he sighed. "The tulips. Breathtaking."

Everyone made a face, but Prussia just kept going. "Lame, but fine. Next! Dane!"

"Huh… Oh! I looked in a mirror this morning!"

"Boo!" America tossed a Nutter Butter at him, hitting him square in the jaw. He blinked and picked it up off the floor, looking at it curiously before America added, "Five second rule, dude. You're good."

"I agree vith the babe, that vas so lame I feel like throwing myself on a sword." Prussia shook his head, disappointed in his friend. "Dingo-Ate-My-Baby, you're next."

Australia brightened up. "Let's see… went cliff diving yesterday. That was pretty awesome. Oh! I visited America's house and we tossed rocks and rubbish into an active volcano in Hawaii. That was pretty awesome, too."

"Daw, I was going to use that one!" America laughed. "Okay, okay. My turn! Hm… oh! I slapped a snake!"

Everyone looked at her, eyebrows raised.

Finally, Netherlands cleared his throat. "Care to elaborate?"

"Sure!" She grinned. "Well, I wanted to explore some tombs with Aussie here. Remember, Jack?" The Australian nodded, recalling their fun times in the dark Pharaoh tombs, but he couldn't recall any snake slapping. "Anyway, I went to Egypt to ask him if we could mess around in the tombs and stuff and he wasn't real big on that idea."

"Well, yeah," Canada grumbled, rolling his eyes. "That would be like someone coming to your house to ask if they could poke around Lincoln's grave, Mia."

"Irrelevant." America pouted at her brother before continuing. "So he was all, 'Go get me stuff to make an awesome dinner and we can talk while we eat'. And we all know I just _love_ eating, and I _really_ love talking, and what's better than eating _and_ talking, am I right? So I decided to go catch some fish and make something with that because I was in a fish mood and I caught a _ton_ of stuff.

"So I go to find Egypt and he's all waiting for me at his house and I was carrying the fish in a garbage bag, right? I was planning on getting everything gutted and then all of a sudden, Egypt starts yelling and I'm all, 'OMG, WUT?' Then there's this hissing and get this—a _cobra_ strikes at me. Double get this: he _missed_. He bit at the garbage bag instead, but then he was getting ready to go at me again!"

At this point, America ran out of breath and took a big glug of her Coke before giving them all a shit-eating grin.

"I had no other choice." She puffed out her chest and laughed. "I bitch-slapped that fugly asswipe so hard that it went sailing through the air and disappeared into the horizon!"

She began guzzling her Coke while everyone kind of sat there in silence, picturing America smacking a massive King Cobra off into the distance just because it lunged at her garbage bag full of fish that she was going to gut for dinner.

Only America.

"So that's the awesomest thing I did all week," she concluded, smashing her now-empty soda can against her forehead. It crumpled easily and she threw it in the general direction of a recycling bin, not really caring if she made the shot or not. She then grinned at Canada. "Your turn, brosif!"

Canada just kind of stared at her for a few long moments before he sighed. "I don't think I can top that. Can we just name Mia the winner and get it over with?"

Prussia sighed. "_Ja_, I don't think anyone vill beat 'bitch slapping a snake'. Okay… Next order of business. Looks like all we have scheduled is… 'be awesome'." He tossed his notecards aside and sat down, resting his feet on the tabletop. "Anyone got any requests? What should we do today?"

Australia was quick to raise his hand like a student in a classroom.

"I svear to all fucking things awesome, if you suggest ve play vith your fucking boomerang, I vill end you," Prussia said threateningly.

Slowly, Australia lowered his hand, looking somewhat disappointed, though he perked up considerably when America patted his shoulder in a comforting manner (Denmark watched very closely, of course, just to make sure there were no shady moves being made).

"We could play with Mister Bunny!" America suggested, pointing to her new crocodile. She giggled and reached into her purse, yanking out a slab of what appeared to be (and reeked like) a slab of raw meat. She tossed it at the crocodile and began to baby talk it as it tore the meat apart.

"I'd like to keep my limbs," Denmark said. "I still think we should destroy London and rebuild it with Legos."

"I second that!" America said quickly. "Iggy and I are _so_ close, I know he'd love it!"

Canada stared at his sister, wondering how she could _possibly_ think England would like something like that. He quickly scooped Kumajiro off the ground as Mister Bunny began to prowl around the room, having consumed his raw meat. The terrifying (or, as America would insist, 'most adorablest, cutest widdle pookie-faced sweety-bopper') beast slunk around, causing everyone to shift a bit nervously.

Finally, the great beast stopped beside Denmark, who was doing his best not to flee the room. "Uhm… good boy?"

Mister Bunny stared at him for a few long moments before curling around Denmark's chair, making a hissing noise. Denmark sat there, frozen in terror while America clapped her hands together cheerfully.

"Aw, he likes you!" She then climbed onto the table and heroically posed. "Wait, I know what we should do!"

"Do tell, mate!" Australia said eagerly, craning his neck to try to peek up her skirt. He ignored Denmark's evil glare, though more or less the Nordic nation was a bit distracted by the goliath man-eating monster sleeping at his feet.

She threw her head back as she laughed. "Let's sneak into Francie-Pantsie's house and shave his eyebrows off! Hoo-hah!"

"That is an awesome idea!" Prussia cried, slamming his fist onto the table. "Let's go!"

They all began to rush out of the room—Canada a bit less eagerly than Prussia, America and Australia—and Netherlands just said he was going to skip in favor of getting some waffles at his sister's place to help with his munchies.

That left Denmark, still stranded in his chair, to stare after them helplessly with big puppy eyes. Sensing his distress, America returned to the meeting room and laughed.

"Don't worry, pally! The hero's got you!" She snapped her fingers and whistled. Amazingly enough, Mister Bunny woke up and sluggishly dragged himself over to her. She then beckoned Denmark to come with.

"Come on, dude!" She grabbed his arm and they ran off. "Let's go make France's life a living hell!"

* * *

**Author Notes:**

Aw, now we see what sorts of Nobel-Winning topics the Awesome Trio discusses at their meetings! I'm pretty sure America brings dangerous animals into these meetings about 40% of the time.

-Lookie-Lou!-Damn, American slang can be adorable. The first time someone said 'hum-dinger' in front of me, I nearly passed out. I think America would use a lot of dorky, old-fashioned slang, like 'bee's knees' and 'Dapper Dan' and 'fiddlesticks' and stuff.

-Hollandaise Sauce-Anyone ever tried Hollandaise Sauce before? I absolutely love this stuff!

-I originally had this ending where we see England suddenly get this wave of pride for America out of nowhere because she suggested harassing France, but alas, I didn't think it fit right with the story so it got cut. Boo.

-All the countries America brought to the meetings are ones that in real life America is actually pretty close to, apparently. My research consisted of me typing "Countries politically close to America' into Google. So, yeah. Did you know Kuwait celebrates American independence day, too? Now you do!

-So someone named 'laila' asked whether or not the Bad Touch Trio ever gets jealous of Prussia spending time with the Awesome Trio, which is insane because I was literally toying with the idea of writing that. Must be a sign. It's happening.

-Oh, Netherland's ringtone is 'Because I Got High' by Afrojack, Mexico's is 'La Bomba' by Ricky Martin and Egypt's is 'Walk Like An Egyptian' by the Bangles. Because I said so.

Hope you guys enjoy! I love all your reviews! It makes me wanna dance on tabletops and fly with the eagle's nest or whatever!

Until next time!


	10. The Louder You Are, the Awesomer You Are

Finland was quietly taking notes during yet another World Meeting, listening intently to what the Italy sisters were talking about, although it was a bit difficult since the younger sister kept yelling out, "PASTA!" at random intervals while the older would gnash her teeth at the interruption, whack Feliciana upside the head, and then continue with her speech about their mafia problem in Naples.

As the speech continued, Finland glanced down at her notes and began to doodle a picture of Hanatamago in the margins. She was a little bit bored as she began to quietly hum to herself, though not too loudly. She didn't want to distract anyone (she didn't know it at the time, but Sweden, who was sitting on one side of her, could hear her tuneless humming and was immediately distracted by a chanting chorus of _cute cute cute cute cute_ running through his head, especially once he spied her childish scribble of their dog).

"Penis."

Finland jumped a little, unsure if she had heard what she thought she had. It had barely been a whisper so she couldn't tell if she had actually heard 'penis' or 'pasta'. Perhaps Feliciana had taken to trying to say the word under her breath so that her sister wouldn't yell at her again.

Deciding that it must've been North Italy, Finland began to scribble a heart into the margin as well, writing out _Sve + Finn_ in the middle in her loopy handwriting (at this point, Sweden's mind had left the building; he could no longer function due to the adorableness of his wife).

"Penis."

There it was again! But this time it was a guy saying it, and it was a little bit louder. It almost sounded like it had come from nearby where Germany sat. She looked up and narrowed her eyes at a smug-looking Prussia, who was smirking at his brother a little _too_ innocently. Germany looked confused, as if he wasn't sure of something.

_Maybe he heard it, too_? Finland wondered. She looked over at Sweden to ask him if he had heard anything, but he had that terrifying _look_ on his face that made Finland turn red and quickly look down at her notebook page again. She was very sure she would _never_ get used to that.

"Penis."

Someone had definitely said penis right by her ear. Finland turned and narrowed her violet eyes at Denmark. He was scribbling notes into his notebook, but he had that very-familiar too-big grin on his face.

So. She _had_ heard him say what she thought he had said. But he wasn't the only one. And Finland only really needed two guesses about who the other two offenders were.

Sure enough, when she looked up at where America sat beside England, the girl was smirking while England hissed something at her between clenched teeth. Then, while Finland watched, America said it again, louder this time so that _several_ nations looked at her.

"_Penis_."

"Amelia!" England snapped. He turned bright red when the Vargas sisters stopped talking and everyone stared at him. He turned red and then lowered his voice, though Finland could still hear him if she focused. "That is _not_ appropriate behavior!"

"Your face isn't appropriate behavior," America snapped back. England groaned and rolled his eyes. "Stay out of it, Iggy, this is between me, Mathias and Gil."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Prussia said, at normal volume, "_Penis_!"

"Bruder!" Germany looked mortified. "Vhat is going on?!"

To Finland's surprise, Denmark practically jumped out of his chair and said in his normal (i.e. very loud) speaking voice, "_Penis_!"

England couldn't keep America in her seat. "PENIS!"

"PENIS!" Prussia was standing on his chair. Now it not only seemed to be a battle of who could scream out male genitalia louder, it would appear they wanted to stand taller than the other.

The meeting erupted into chaos. Switzerland was quick to sweep Liechtenstein out of the room with his hands clasped over her ears while Japan just sort of looked ready to die. Some countries, like France and Greece, didn't seem too bothered at all, and for some, like Spain, it was some kind of reminder that he had fully-functioning reproductive organs and he wanted to use them at that exact moment, which caused him to grab Romana and announce they were going home.

"Alright, I've had enough of this bullshit!" America suddenly yelled while Denmark and Prussia continued to scream 'penis'. Jumping off the table, America reached into her duffle bag and dug around a bit until she yanked out a massive megaphone. Returning to the tabletop, she turned the device on and hovered it over her lips.

At that moment, Finland heard the loudest scream of "PEEEEENIIIIIIISSSSSSSS" in her life.

Denmark and Prussia looked floored as America smirked at them victoriously.

"Not fair!" Prussia whined. Denmark was nodding in agreement, pouting.

"A deal's a deal, pencildicks." She tossed the megaphone aside.

At this point, many countries were staring at the unfolding scene, unsure of what, exactly, was going on. Both Prussia and Denmark looked resigned and nodded, returning to their seats.

The meeting let out fairly quickly after that. America looked very happy, but Denmark and Prussia looked like both of them were contemplating suicide.

_Wonder what kind of deal they made with America_, Finland wondered idly. _It can't be all that bad_…

* * *

"Pink leggings?" Prussia was ready to rip his hair out. "You're making me vear pink fucking leggings?!"

"_Glittery_ pink fucking leggings," America corrected. "They really define the shape of your calves, Gil."

Giving her a warning look, Prussia mumbled, "Don't push it, bitch."

"Watch it, fucker," Denmark mumbled in warning, albeit half-heartedly. He had to admit that, as much as he liked America, this was… well. This was pushing it.

The deal had been simple. It had all begun when they had accidentally crashed a "Magic Trio" meeting while they had decided to stop by England's house for some of his food (they were planning on having a "who can keep from ralphing the longest" competition… the name speaks for itself). For a few moments (i.e. about thirty seconds) the trios co-existed peacefully. And then shit hit the fan. Long story short, England kicked them all out after Norway froze them nearly to death and Romania scared the ever-living shit out of America with his fangs.

"I don't know which one of you tossers is loudest!" England had shouted. "But I don't want to bloody figure it out! Piss off!"

That had left them all sitting there, dumbfounded.

"Vhat does he mean 'who is the loudest'?" Prussia had suddenly scoffed, smoothing his clothes as America helped Denmark to his feet. "Obviously I am. The louder you are, the awesomer you are, that's vhat I alvays say."

"You said that _once_," America muttered. "Besides, I'm _way_ louder than you are, birdbrain. I'm louder than a crowd of foghorns at a Foghorn Convention. _That's_ how loud I am."

"That's pretty loud," Denmark amended. "But I'll have you know that my battle cry is known to shake all of Europe."

"I thought that was Sweden," America corrected, her eyebrows wrinkling together in thought, which caused Denmark to convulse furiously in an effort not to freak out on her. "Anyway, this argument is stupid because all our arguments are stupid because I always win. _Always_."

"Not this time, bitch!" Prussia had chortled.

So the rules had been set. At the next meeting, they were to see who could be the loudest. Of course, they couldn't just say any old thing. So they decided to up the ante by yelling 'penis'. Whoever won got to pick an activity for them to do and the other two _had_ to do it. No matter what.

The rules weren't very specific, though, so America's little trick with the megaphone was a completely valid if not douchey move.

Honestly, Denmark and Prussia hadn't been too upset over the idea of America winning. Her ideas were usually incredibly fun, although they could be a bit hit-or-miss. Dragging them both to an illegal underground fight club so they could freely beat the shit out of people? Hit! Dragging them both to the Spam Museum? Miss. Big, fat miss in a tin can filled with barely-edible food.

And this little outing was a miss, too. A big, fat miss in platinum blonde wigs and glittery pink fucking leggings.

To be fair, though, America hadn't forced him to _just_ wear the leggings. He was wearing short-shorts over them. She had also managed to force him into a neon t-shirt and had attacked him with glittery hairspray before she decided to let him off the hook.

Denmark, however, had gotten the beat-down pretty bad, too. America had explained to him that she made his shirt entirely out of tinsel, multi-colored safety pins and packaging peanuts. His jeans were bright orange and skin-tight and his shoes were… actually, they were knee-high lace-up leather boots because, apparently, America wanted him to hate himself.

Despite what she had forced them into, it was nothing compared to what she wore. She had put bright blue extensions into her hair, which had been meticulously straightened. She had explained that her leotard had been made out of sparkly rainbow felt and a smashed-up disco ball. She wore torn-up fishnets and high heels that actually brought her to eye-level with Denmark.

What was up with the outfits, exactly? Well, America had decided to drag the Awesome Trio to a Lady Gaga concert.

Oh, Prussia and Denmark had bitched a moaned about it forever while America wrestled them into their ridiculous outfits. Sure, they were basically forced to go, but that didn't mean they had to enjoy it for fuck's sake.

Once she managed to corral them inside, the opener was taking the stage. America bounced around eagerly, a bit wobbly on her high heels as she threw her arms around Prussia and Denmark's shoulders, forcing them deeper into the building.

"I'm scared," Prussia said, eyeing a few "Little Monsters" as they made their way through the crowd towards the stage.

America laughed. "Pussy. Just be glad I didn't pick the Menstruation Museum. We could be talking about tampons right now~!"

Prussia shuddered and wisely kept his mouth shut as the opener walked off the stage and Mother Monster herself stepped up. America let out an excited scream, causing both her friends to flinch away.

"I'm going to the fucking bar," Prussia mumbled, slinking off.

America didn't seem to notice. She was completely transfixed on the opening lyrics to 'Just Dance' being sung onstage. She then noticed Denmark's pained look and let out an annoyed _pfft_.

"If it's _so_ torturous, here." She reached into her cleavage and pulled out a bright blue iPod and Superman-themed headphones. "Drown it out. I've got tons of stuff on there."

Denmark balked. "How did you…?"

"Oh, Tony made me a miniature wormhole so I can carry shit around." She shrugged, as if to say _NBD_. "Knock yourself out. Peace, fun-sucker!"

She then walked off, shooting Denmark annoyed looks over her shoulder as she headed deeper into the crowd and vanished from sight.

Denmark sighed, wondering if he had legitimately pissed her off. He doubted it, but still. He felt kind of bad. She'd been really pumped about bringing them to the Lady Gaga concert, but God help him, he couldn't bring himself to like it…

He put the headphones on and cranked up the volume, deciding to peek into her playlists. She had a lot of ones that made him laugh—one was called 'Songs to Annoy England With', which was literally made up of songs that were exclusively in French. There was another called 'Songs that Make Me Feel Badass', another titled 'Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow'… hah, one called 'Actual Singers Actually Singing'… and one called…

Woah. His finger hovered right over the buttons as his eyes widened. There was a playlist labeled 'Mathias'. After a few seconds, he opened it up and was immediately met with Lionel Richie's 'Hello'. He nearly dropped the iPod, his mind racing with questions.

Why would she have this song on a playlist named after him? Did she know some other Mathias? No, probably not. So did that mean…?

Shakily, he skipped to the next song and almost passed out. 'Sparks Fly' by Taylor Swift. Of course she'd throw some "T-Swizzle" on there.

He skipped to the next song and smiled. 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' by the Beatles. How… damn it, that was adorable.

Pulling off the headphones, he looked around for her. He had to find America and ask her about this playlist or… or _something_.

_Where the fuck is she? Where the fuck is Gil?!_

As if he had been summoned, Prussia appeared with two brightly colored drinks in hand. He grinned, leaning against Denmark and offering him one.

"Try it. It's like juice!"

"Nah." Denmark pushed the drink away, causing Prussia to gasp and stare at his friend with worry. "Have you seen Mia?"

"_Nein_. Are you sure you don't vant this?" He continued to wave it in Denmark's face. "It's got alcohol~!"

"I need you to look at something." Denmark brushed the drink away, causing Prussia to nearly shit himself in shock. Denmark turning down a free drink? What the hell?! "Look at this."

Prussia glanced down and raised an eyebrow as Denmark began to show him the playlist. He snorted and rolled his red eyes. "Man, you've really got to man up. Grow some balls and go take vhat you vant. She obviously vants you to."

"You think so?"

"I'll give you a clue," Prussia replied. He yanked the iPod from Denmark's hands and then scrolled down to another song and then shoved it in Denmark's face. "She has 'Let's Put the X in Sex' by KISS on here. On a playlist vith_ your_ name on it! _Mein Gott_. I'm getting real fucking sick of vatching you act like a fucking used dildo. I thought you vere a Viking!"

Denmark blinked and felt a stirring in his chest. Yes. Yes, he was a Viking. And yes, he wanted America, and he wanted her _now_. He knew for a _fact_ that he was going to find out exactly what was on her 'Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow' playlist and he was going to find out _soon_.

But he'd be damned if his first romantic encounter with her would be at a fucking Lady Gaga concert.

But he still wanted to find her.

That's why he turned and walked off, his need to seek her out stronger than ever. And because he was one lucky bastard, he finally stumbled into her head banging like a madwoman to 'Bad Romance'.

"Mathias!" She grinned, looking dizzy and a bit surprised to see him there. "What are you doing? I thought you were going to sit in a corner and pout like a little bitch all night. Or do you secretly love Mother Monster?"

Denmark groaned. "_Nej_, I still hate this shit." That earned him a few nasty looks from several fans that overheard. "But just because I hate this music doesn't mean I don't want to dance with you."

America paused, her cheeks heating up. She then laughed and stuck her hand out. "Well, come on! I'll sweep you away with my killer dance moves!"

Denmark took her hand and tried his best to ignore the fact that he was dancing like a crazy person at a Lady Gaga concert and instead focused on America as she bounced around him happily.

He could live through this torture, if only for one night. She was worth it.

* * *

**Author Notes**

Oh ho ho! That's right my friends! Denmark's about to make his move, no joke. It's finally upon us. On the horizon. He is like a coiled snake, ready to strike. America will never see it coming. It will be fluffy. It will be manly. It will be romantic, damn it!

-The Penis Game-When I came to America and attended high school, I was insanely surprised during one of my first weeks there when the boy sitting next to me suddenly said "penis". Imagine my further shock when his friend that sat in front of me said "penis" right back, only louder. I was terrified. Terrified. But for those of you lucky enough not to know about this, the Penis Game is exactly that-whoever says penis the loudest wins. You have to be in public, I think. It's... yeah. No.

-The Magic Trio-I love these guys. I honestly wish I was capable of writing a fanfic about these three, but alas, I cannot. I suck at their characters. But I just wanted to throw those three in here, even if only a mention.

-Originally I had America taking them to a Beyoncé concert, but then I realized that Denmark and especially Prussia would actually secretly love a Beyoncé concert.

-Spam Museum-Uuuuuugh. This is a real museum in Austin, Minnesota. I know this because my boyfriend took me there on his birthday about a year ago. I didn't believe him when he told me they HAD a museum dedicated to Spam, but boy did he prove me wrong. Also, the Menstruation Museum used to be a real thing, but last I heard, shocker of all shockers, it was shut down.

-England's ringtone is 'Anarchy in the UK' by the Sex Pistols. Norway's is 'Ice, Ice Baby' by Vanilla Ice.

-Omg, I was laughing so hard at IrishMaid's idea about Prussia and his business cards and... oh, good Lord. Yeah. I'm finding a way to worm that in. I'm toying with an idea right now. It is but an embryo in my mind, but it has potential! Hahaha!

-Any ideas about other playlists America's got on there? Or any ideas about songs on her 'Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow' playlist? Or any of them, for that matter?

Decided to post this before work. I considered making you guys wait and all, buuuuut my upstairs neighbor annoyed me last night when he decided to crank up the Basshunter (he's not super popular in the States as far as I could tell but he's this Swedish musician that my neighbor really, REALLY loves. Especially at midnight on Mondays, apparently.) for some god-forsaken party he was having at midnight. Who has parties on Monday night?! ARGH. So I am posting this to cheer myself up a bit while I try to get 'Boten Anna' out of my head. God help me.

Anyway, hope you all enjoy!


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